


Beautiful Chaos

by sunnyyellowhouse



Category: Nashville (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-16
Updated: 2018-10-19
Packaged: 2019-07-13 06:35:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 25,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16012298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunnyyellowhouse/pseuds/sunnyyellowhouse
Summary: Javery life after the S4 ending.





	1. Our Own Luck

**Author's Note:**

> This has been banging around in my head for months and wouldn't go away so here we go. FYI, I'm using very little of the last two seasons. Plane crash, yes. Scunnar angst, Hallie in her role as the person who saved Juliette, Clay might make an appearance. But as for the rest, huh-uh. In this universe, Rayna's alive and kicking ass and Juliette stays in her right mind and definitely doesn't get involved in a cult (wth? lol). There won't be any token homeless people, no stalkers, no stolen songs and ain't nobody quitting the music industry.

Four times they practiced just the flower girl part and Juliette stood in the back of the church, watching as her daughter dropped fake petals in the aisle. The first time Cadence had tossed the entire basket of flowers on the floor before she’d even reached the first pew. The second time, none. And then the third time she saved them until the end and proudly presented a handful of crushed petals to her daddy. The last time was a little better. At least she’d reached the end of the aisle with a partially empty basket.

“She did good that time,” Emily said.

Juliette glanced at her, taking her eyes off Avery and their daughter. “I’ll bet you a chocolate doughnut she’s gonna do her own thing.”

Her assistant chuckled. “Someone can walk down with her if you want, kind of guide her? Maybe Scarlett?”

She shook her head. “Nah. It’s okay, Em. She’s 3 and a half. It’s not gonna be perfect. I just don’t want her to freak when she sees everybody looking at her.” Everybody consisted of only about fifty people and Cadence wasn’t necessarily shy but Juliette didn’t want her to be nervous and start crying. She wanted her daughter to be there, happy and hopefully quiet as she watched her parents get married.

Emily hummed, pecking at the screen on her iPad. “You’re awfully chill about all this. Wedding’s tomorrow and you haven’t had a single meltdown.”

Juliette shrugged. “For one, I have an awesome wedding planner who I trust with my life. If she can handle me on an arena tour, she can certainly handle this little shindig.” She looked pointedly at Emily. “And two, I’m marrying the love of my life.” She stared at Avery fondly as she watched him chat with the rest of the bridal party.

“Well, speaking as the awesome wedding planner - and thank you - y’all made it easy by choosing a weekday. No trouble booking anything.”

Emily had been teasing her about date since they’d announced their engagement. Everyone had wanted to know why a Wednesday of all days? Even Avery felt maybe it’d be better to move the wedding to the weekend but Juliette insisted. It was the anniversary of the day they’d first met, when they’d nearly knocked each other down in the hallway at the Opry. He’d wanted an actual wedding instead of a second civil ceremony and she’d been fim on the date, regardless of when it fell during the week.

“It had to be the 10th, Em,” she said. “That was the night that changed everything, even if we didn’t know it at the time.” _I’d be lost without him_. “This whole church could fall apart tonight and I’d marry him on top of the rubble tomorrow.”

* * *

When Gunnar had asked him if he was nervous, Avery’d said no even though it wasn’t entirely true. He wasn’t worried about any aspect of the wedding and he was one hundred percent certain about spending the rest of his life with Juliette. But he was a little anxious about his family, his father to be specific. He’d told his sister the same thing he’d said to his childhood best friend JT, that he wasn’t getting married without her there. “Put aside your issues with Dad for one damn day, Bren. This is the last time I’m getting married and I want you to be here.”

For the first time in the history of their relationship she’d actually listened to her little brother and showed up a few days before, finally meeting her niece and former/future sister-in-law for the first time. She hadn’t wanted to see their parents though.

“This isn’t about them, Avery. I’m here for you.”

She’d chosen to sit near the back of the nave, rows behind his parents, but they both knew she couldn’t avoid their dad for the entire evening. That’s what concerned him, the rest of night. It’d be wonderful if his sister and father could put years of bad blood to rest but as long as they were civil he’d live with it for now. He just wanted the day to go smoothly. After everything he and Juliette had been through, Avery wanted their wedding to go off without a hitch.

So far so good. The church was intimate, with a high ceiling, plenty of windows and a wide center aisle separating two rows of pews that were sparsely filled with their closest friends and family. Emily had it decorated with tulle and flowers and candles and he didn’t even know what all else but it was beautiful.

Avery stood next to the altar, Gunnar on his left with Will and JT lined up after. He resisted the urge to pull at his bowtie and fingered his cuffs instead. The waiting had to be the hardest part, something he hadn’t experienced the first time he and Juliette were married. But everything was different this time around. Juliette wasn’t pregnant, his proposal had been a lot less frantic (and he hoped a lot more romantic) and they both had some idea about how marriage worked. _Some_ idea, as their first marriage hadn’t lasted very long, but they had the rest of their lives to figure out the rest.

He looked out at the pews, briefly meeting the eyes of their guests. The Claybournes were near the front and Scarlett gave him a bright smile. Avery’d wanted her in the wedding but she refused to be a pregnant bridesmaid so Juliette had asked Hallie, the woman who’d saved her life. It was just as well because Scarlett’s baby bump was out there, sitting in her lap like a beach ball - not that it’d stopped her parents from touring. Rayna wasn’t sitting next to Deacon but Avery could have sworn he’d seen her unmistakable red mane somewhere in the church.

Bren caught his eye and stuck her tongue out at him and Avery ducked his head to keep from laughing. She was a goof. He’d missed her.

Hallie started the bridal processional, slowly walking down the aisle with Maddie following a few beats behind and then Emily. Cadence came next and Avery’s heart melted at the sight of his daughter in her little white dress with baby’s breath in her hair. She  seemed a little taken aback by the people watching but she braved the aisle, dropping rose petals in a wavering line until she reached the steps leading up to the altar. Then she dropped her basket and ran to Avery, hugging his legs and pointing back at what she’d done.

“Daddy, I did it!”

Avery knelt to her level and he could very faintly smell Juliette’s perfume on her. He imagined her mother had given her a hug before sending her down the aisle. “You did a great job, baby.”

“Mama’s coming.” She told him. “She’s beauliful.”

“I’ll bet,” Avery said. “Princess, where are you supposed to stand? Do you remember?”

“With Auntie Em.”

“Right. Can you go stand next to her for me, please?”

Cadence nodded and ran to Emily, picking up her basket on the way. He shook his head and adjusted the tuxedo as he stood. Before he could stop himself his fingers had wandered to his neck; he _hated_ ties, but he let the hand fall back to his side when he recognized the first notes of the bridal march. Avery didn’t see that Rayna had snuck in and didn’t notice everyone turning around because when he looked to the back of the church he only had eyes for his bride.

* * *

Juliette wiggled in the chair, her face tilted so the makeup artist could finish her face. “This garter is itchy,” she complained.

“You’ve got it up too high.” Emily fussed with Cadence’s hair. “It’s practically a belt.”

She pulled away from the woman’s hands, checking her face in the mirror. “I did that on purpose. I want Avery to pull it down with his teeth.” She smirked as Maddie giggled.

“We’re in a _church_.” Hallie said, stressing the word. “And there are innocent ears in this room.”

“The Lord knows me and Cadence has no idea what I’m talking about.” Juliette rolled her eyes, but then glanced at Hallie. “Unless you meant _your_ ears are innocent.” She teased, laughing at the blush that colored Hallie’s cheeks. They’d known each other for some time now but Juliette still found her angel to be far too serious at times and she got a kick out of teasing her.

“I have something for you.” Hallie changed the subject by handing Juliette a penny. “For your shoe. It’s silly but it’s supposed to be good luck.”

Juliette turned the penny over in her palm. She wasn’t superstitious and had serious doubts that wearing a penny in her shoe would help her marriage, but Hallie took it back from her and dropped it inside one of the white Jimmy Choos anyway. “Better safe than sorry.” She bent down, fussing with the hem of the custom couture dress to help Juliette slide the shoe on.

“Do you have everything else?” Maddie piped up, spinning around in front of the only full-length mirror in the room. “Something borrowed, something blue?”

Juliette made a face. “I don’t really believe in all --”

The words died in her throat when someone knocked on the door. Emily set Cadence on the floor before opening it to find Rayna on the other side.

“Hey, Mom!” Maddie grinned at her mother and made her way to the door.

“Look at you. You’re gorgeous.” She air-kissed her daughter’s cheeks and spoke to Emily and Hallie, waved at Cadence then turned to Juliette. “I know you’ve got Emily but I just wanted to see if you needed anything.”

Juliette knew why Rayna was there. Because Rayna always came through. She was there after the plane crash, visiting so much that Juliette told Avery she was tired of seeing the superstar’s face even though they both knew that wasn’t true. She was there when Juliette went through the hard months of physical therapy and had often walked with her as she struggled with crutches, distracting her from the pain by telling stories of the good old days on the road touring with Deacon. Rayna was among the first people Juliette had called after Avery proposed and she’d helped Emily with the bridal shower - saying she was only helping set things right after she didn’t get to host the baby shower for Cadence. She’d been there when she didn’t have to be, even when Juliette hadn’t wanted her. In fact, if Rayna Jaymes hadn’t showed up while she was getting ready for her wedding, Juliette would have been deeply disappointed.

“Juliette doesn’t have the things,” Maddie said, gesturing with her hands. “The something new, something blue stuff.”

“No?” Rayna met her former rival’s eyes in the reflection of the mirror. “Well, let’s see. Your dress is new.”

Emily piped up. “The garter’s blue.”

“It’s Avery’s favorite color.” Juliette explained. She held her hand up so they could see her finger. “My ring’s old.” She and Avery had started wearing their old bands when she was still recovering from the plane crash but when he proposed for the second time he did so with a family heirloom, a ring his mother had inherited from her mother.

“That just leaves the something borrowed and I’ve got just the thing.” Rayna dug into the small white purse she was carrying and pulled out a scrap of cloth and put it in Juliette’s hand. “It was my mom’s. I always bring it to weddings because I always end up crying.”

Juliette unfolded it in her lap, realizing it was an embroidered handkerchief. “Rayna, this is beautiful,” she gushed, fingering the lace edging of the square of fabric. “I can’t take this.” She tried to give it back but the older woman wouldn’t accept it.

“Sure you can...for a couple hours. That’s what borrowing is.”

There she was, coming through again and Juliette had to close her eyes for a moment to stop the burn behind her eyelids. “What if I drop it somewhere and lose it?”

“Then I’ll kill you,” Rayna said casually. “So don’t.”

* * *

Juliette carefully balanced herself on her heels as she hugged her daughter, whispering a few words of encouragement before standing back up and watching as Rayna sent the little girl after Emily and then snuck off to her seat. She and Glenn watched Cadence’s first hesitant steps and then he held out his arm. She took his hand instead, raising her head to look into the eyes of the man who’d been so much more than just her manager.

“Before we do this, I want to thank you for being there for me.”

Glenn’s face softened into a smile. “Juliette, I’m honored you asked.”

“Not just in this moment, Glenn. In every moment.” She reached for his other hand and pulled them together, holding his hands in between her own. “I’ve known you almost half my life. You changed the path I was on and probably saved my life by taking a chance on this little know-nothing girl from nowhere. All I had was a dream but you made the impossible happen and I know it wasn’t easy - that _I_ wasn’t easy.” She smirked, trying to keep the tears at bay. “You’ve been the father I didn’t have and the grandfather my daughter doesn’t have. I don’t know what I’d do without you and I’m the one that’s honored to have you giving me away.”

He blinked a few times, clearing his throat as he composed himself. “All this time I’ve just wanted you to be happy, Juliette. You deserve it. Always have.” He kissed the top of her head before pulling back and giving her a wink. “Don’t you start crying, kiddo.” He warned, offering his arm again. “Let’s go get you married. Avery’s probably getting impatient.”

* * *

In hindsight, it was an incredibly stupid idea but at the time it’d made perfect sense. Avery had spent an entire day writing and rewriting his vows. He’d put down three words, scratch them out and rip the entire paper in half, crumbling it up and sending it across their bedroom in an arc. He practiced reciting them, muttering to himself as he walked in and out of the bathroom. Every so often he’d glance at the mirror and grimace. Several times he kicked a wad of crumbled paper into a corner and then had to go scrambling after it so Juliette wouldn’t find it later. _Why was this so hard?_

Later that night Gunnar had come up with the solution, the stupid solution.

“Why don’t you just wing it?” His friend handed him another beer. “I mean, you know what you want to say for the most part, right? Love, sickness and all that. How hard could it be?”

And then Will drunkenly nodded along as if it was the greatest idea he’d ever heard and Avery, his poor brain addled with beer and pre-wedding stress, found himself actually considering it. Gunnar was right, he’d thought. _How hard could it be?_

Now, days later and completely sober, he wanted to kick himself for ever listening to his doofus of a best friend. He should have been prepared but instead he had nothing, only the snatches of lines he remembered writing down earlier that week and even those tenuous thoughts fled him as he stood there staring into Juliette’s gorgeous green eyes while she waited for him to speak.

Avery suspected this marriage was apt to be even shorter than their first because he knew she’d kill him if he messed this up. And he didn’t want to mess it up. He loved this woman more than anything and wanted his promises to her to reflect that.

He could feel his heart kick up a notch so he took a deep breath, willing himself to calm down and focus. _It’s just me and you, baby_. He took her hands, loosely intertwining his fingers with hers and spoke from his heart.

* * *

Juliette felt a twinge of panic at the look that crossed Avery’s face. For just a second he’d seemed terrified, maybe even nauseous and she thought he might have forgotten the vows he’d surely written down somewhere. She assumed he had them tucked in a pocket or that Gunnar had them at the ready or maybe they were even typed up on his phone. But then his face relaxed into that confident look she knew so well and he reached for her hands instead of his pocket.

“Juliette, they say lightning doesn’t strike the same place twice but I think our love has defied the odds more than once. I thought you were lost to me, but we’re here. You’re my miracle and you and our daughter are the center of my universe. I’m so thankful for this second chance to be your husband. I promise you patience, unconditional love and support through the best, the worst and the mundane. I will be your confidante and your counsel. I will comfort you, encourage you and cherish you. You’re my partner and my best friend. My gift from God. I will never leave your side. I adore you. You’ve always been the girl worth choosing and I take you to be my wife, from this day until the end of days.”

 _Wow_. Juliette’s eyes welled with emotion almost as soon as Avery started speaking and she pulled her hand away from his to fan her face. She would have used Rayna’s handkerchief to dab at her eyes but it was safely tucked away in the pocket of her dress. She bit at her lip, blinked again and looked up at him with clear eyes, feeling that the words she’d memorized were an inadequate response to what he’d just said.

“Avery, I chose this day because I want to celebrate our anniversary on the day God put me in the right place at the right time to run into you. Your love amazes me.

You have been my strength when I had none. My friend when the world was against me. You’ve carried me through darkness into light. I’m not perfect, but with you I aim to be the best version of myself. I told you before, you have my whole heart and you always will. I promise to be your friend, to support you loyally and fiercely, to create with you, to learn from you and listen to you. I’ll be your strength and your shelter, your partner as we raise our family together. I am yours, forever. And with all that I have and all that I am, I give you my life and my love. I take you as my husband from today until my last day.”

Her words seemed to affect him as much as his did her and Juliette reached up to wipe away his tears. Neither one of them actually heard the pastor pronounce them husband and wife. They were too busy beaming into each other’ faces until he brought his lips down to hers.

* * *

Juliette had described her wishes for the reception as an elegant late summer barbecue, emphasis on elegant but she wanted it to be fun and not too glamorous. Of course Emily had understood that rather confusing request perfectly. The venue, decor and service was sophisticated; the food was informal but delicious, brisket, crab boil and gumbo - everything that made Juliette’s heart sing.

Avery shocked her by joining in a line dance with everyone else. She known for years he hated them and he’d assured her he’d be nowhere near the dance floor when it came to that. She thought it’d just be her and her guests and her jaw dropped when he shuffled in place next to her. The look on his face was a combination of embarrassment and determination and she almost couldn’t stay on beat from laughing so hard.

Afterwards she pulled him close and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Where’d you learn that?” She asked, still breathless from dancing.

“Will,” he said with a frown. “With Scarlett and Gunnar laughing their asses off in the background.” He put his hands on her waist, swaying a little bit to the slow song the live band had segued  into. “I hope you enjoyed that. I suffered through that for you.”

She laughed again and stood on her toes to kiss him soundly. “I did. Never thought I’d see you line dancing. Next thing you know you’ll be learning how to two-step.”

“I wouldn’t hold my breath for that one, baby.”

He shook his head at her, wrinkling his nose just slightly in that way she loved and she couldn’t stop herself from staring back up at him, feeling as though she could sink into his blue eyes and stay forever. “My sweet husband. You are so beautiful.”

“Wife.” Avery grinned, bending his head so his mouth was near her ear. “I love you, baby.”

Juliette took a small step, moving even closer to him as she wiggled her toes inside her shoe. “You know, I’ve got this stupid penny in my shoe for luck but I don’t think we need it.” She pulled back so she could meet his eyes again. “We’ve already had all of our bad luck. I say from now on we make our own.”

“I agree.” He stepped back, keeping hold of her hand as he suddenly spun her around and she gasped in surprise during the twirl, then returned to the circle of his arms. “Only the best of luck for our new beginning.”


	2. Happy Houses

Juliette rocked the baby, lifting him slightly so she could snuggle the crown of his sandy brown hair. “You smell so so good.” She crooned, patting at his little backside. “How’s he doing?”

Scarlett’s shook a small blanket out in front of her, refolding it as her eyes settled on her son. “Amazing. He’s such a good baby.” 

She relaxed in Scarlett’s rocking chair, adjusting the baby around the mound of her belly. “It’s so funny to me how much he looks like his daddy.” Right on time, the baby grunted, furrowing his eyebrows into a very Gunnar like expression.

“Yeah, like he spit him out.” 

Juliette stopped admiring the two-month old to study his mother. There was a little something uneasy in the way Scarlett spoke; it made her wonder if she’d been wrong to stop by. It wasn’t the first time she’d visited Gunnar and Scarlett’s house since they’d become parents. The baby, Dean Andrew, had been born in the middle of the first snowstorm of the season, just days before Christmas and Juliette knew Scarlett had pretty much been trapped in the house ever since. The last time he’d been over, Gunnar had mentioned her being a little stir-crazy so she decided to drop in and check on the new mother. 

“Speaking of his dad, I heard he sold a song to Luke Bryan. Avery said he was over the moon.”

“Yeah, he’s been writing a lot lately, since the baby.” Scarlett hung the blanket over the railing of the crib, fussing with it until it was hanging evenly.

Juliette watched as she sat down on the other chair in the nursery. She couldn’t help but feel something more than being stuck inside with the baby was bothering Scarlett but she didn’t want to pry...maybe just poke a little. “Have y'all been writing together? Tour’s over and  _ The Backroads _ did so well.” She’d looked down at the baby falling asleep in her arms and hadn’t noticed Scarlett wince at the mention of The Exes’ last album. “You’re lucky you could still belt it out when you were so far along. At 6 months I can barely keep up with Cadence when she’s singing along to Paw Patrol.”

“Avery said y’all finished writing your album though and Rayna left  _ you _ in charge of HW65.”

“Rayna Jaymes didn’t leave me in charge of anything,” Juliette corrected. “She left me to babysit while she and Deacon went off on their little love tour. I can’t make any major decisions of my own without a multi-line conference call with her, Deacon, Bucky and God.” That last part was a bit of an exaggeration but when she’d agreed to manage HW65 in Rayna’s stead while she and Deacon were on the road she’d assumed she’d have more executive power. “I’m basically her overseer.”

Scarlett rolled her eyes at that and gave Juliette a smile. “You love it though and you’re good at it. Deacon’s been bragging on you. Not to mention your husband.”

Juliette shrugged, watching as the little boy in her arms pursed his lips and sucked for a few seconds before he settled back into his nap. She’d forgotten how babies did that, made those sweet little faces. She’d forgotten the addicting smell of a newborn until she’d held little Dean. She’d forgotten how it felt to watch her husband with a tiny baby in his arms, how it made her heart squeeze when he smiled down at a swaddled bundle. Her own baby was quiet inside of her, probably asleep like the child she held, but Juliette knew if their unborn daughter heard her father’s voice she’d be kicking like crazy. She wiggled and squirmed for Cadence too but only Avery could prompt that flurry of movement when he spoke or sang to their child. She’d rub her belly and tell him the baby loved him already.

“She’s already got my heart,” he’d respond.

When he proposed, they’d talked about trying after they were remarried, hoping to get pregnant quickly so the kids wouldn’t be so many years apart. Despite knowing it’d be a high-risk pregnancy and in spite of the threat of post-partum depression, they’d really wanted another child. Her injuries from the plane crash had healed and once the doctors confirmed she could carry a pregnancy to term they left off the birth control, figuring it’d take a few months. They hadn’t expected her to get pregnant  _ before _ their ceremony but when they got back from their honeymoon Juliette realized she’d missed a period. They were overjoyed, though she kept teasing him about knocking her up for both their weddings.

“How’s your house coming along?”

Juliette groaned at the mention of the house she and Avery were having built on her - their land.  “It’s coming. We’ve had some weather delays with all this snow. Not sure we’ll be moved by the time she gets here, which was the original plan. But it’s okay. I wasn’t looking forward to moving while pregnant.” She went on a little about the layout of the house and how particular Avery had been about the design of the studio he wanted. “He’s driving me crazy about it honestly.” She muttered, brushing a finger across Dean’s tiny nose. 

Scarlett scooted forward in her chair until she was perched on the edge. “Can I ask you something?”

The question caught Juliette off-guard but she nodded. “Sure.”

If it’s too personal you don’t have to answer.”

She was very curious about the blush rising from the collar of Scarlett’s pale sweater. “Okay...”

Her blush deepened and she looked away, gazing out the window and worrying her fingers in her lap before finally turning back to Juliette. “When you were pregnant with Cadence or now with this baby, did you want...I mean, do you and Avery...do you want him more than...or do you want him at all?”

It was Juliette’s turn to look out the window, checking the flurries drifting outside as she considered the question, who was asking and why she’d possibly want to know something so personal. The answer was a very simple yes - or to be more accurate, a very enthusiastic  _ hell yes _ , but if this was at the root of what was bothering Scarlett… “Uh, yeah. I do.”  _ I can’t keep my hands off him, if you really want to know _ . “But, Scarlett, if you don’t feel that way, it’s normal. I think. Your baby’s only two months old. It’ll come back to you.” 

“It’s not just now though.” There was hesitancy in her tone and she glanced at Juliette before letting her eyes fall to the floor. “It’s been a while. Not since...probably not since we found out I was pregnant if I’m honest. At first I was so sick I just couldn’t. Like the smell of Gunnar’s cologne or whatever he’d been eating would just set me off and then even after I got over the morning sickness I just...I didn’t want him. I wanted to want him, but I didn’t. Even now I still don’t. When we got home from touring I started staying in one of the guest rooms because I couldn’t get comfortable with him in bed next to me and I never moved back, even after we got home with Dean.” Now that Scarlett had started talking it was as if she couldn’t stop and she clasped her hands together as she sat back in the chair. “We’re roommates who share this house, Juliette. That’s all. We share the house and the baby.”

Juliette had never been very close with her husband’s ex. They were sociable and she would even call them friends but she and Scarlett would probably never become as close as Avery and Gunnar. But she felt a wave of pity for her - and fear that Scarlett might be experiencing what she’d been through after Cadence was born. “Do you think you might have PPD?” 

“I don’t,” Scarlett said. “And I considered that after what happened to you but I feel entirely myself. That’s the problem. I adore my little guy and I love being a mama but I just don’t know about this relationship. It’s not just the sex. It’s way more than that. I love Gunnar, don’t get me wrong. Always will. And he’s great with the our son. But it’s...we weren’t at a great place when we got pregnant and then we were working  practically non-stop and figuring out life after he got here. Now that he’s here and we’re not touring it’s starting to feel like it did before.”

“But, Scarlett...I thought I felt like myself too. You couldn’t convince me I didn’t know what I was doing back then.”

Scarlett shook her head. “I’ve talked to my doctor about it and I’m fine. I think it’s just us, Juliette. We don’t work anymore. We haven’t in a long time now.”

Her arms tightened around the baby and she took a deep breath. “My entire new mother experience was colored by my postpartum depression so understand that’s the place I’m coming from. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Maybe you don’t have PPD but you do have a new baby, you’re probably exhausted and you’re sitting in this house all day. I know what it’s like to be idle and have wild thoughts floating around in your head.”

Scarlett quit the chair, getting to her feet abruptly and taking a few steps across the rug to stand near the crib again. “It’s so hard to talk about this with anyone. I feel like you’re all trying to convince me I’m not feeling how I feel.” 

“I’m not trying to convince you of anything.” Juliette struggled to her feet so she could lay the baby down in his crib. “But  _ you _ sound like your mind is made up.” She leaned on the railing of the crib and smoothed her sweater over her stomach.

“Not my mind.” Scarlett covered her son’s back, keeping her fingers on the blue woven blanket when she spoke. “But my heart is.”

Juliette heard that, knew what that meant. “Who is anyone? Who else have you talked to?”

“Said a few words to Rayna over a phone call but really just you and Zoey so far. It’s hard to talk to her though because she was  _ with _ Gunnar.”

_ Harder than asking me about my sex life with your ex? _ Juliette’s eyebrow shot up on her forehead but she didn’t give voice to the question. “Why haven’t you talked to Gunnar? You’re talking about --”

“I know full well what I’m talking about, Juliette. I’m talking about our livelihood, because Gunnar sure can’t be The Ex. I’m talking about breaking his heart. I’m talking about taking away our son’s family before he really even gets to experience it.” She brushed fingers against her face, wiping away the tears leaking from her eyes as if they were a nuisance. “Am I supposed to just keep pretending I’m fine? For how long? ‘Til he’s 6 months? Six years old?”

Juliette exhaled, taking one last look at the baby. Dean sighed in his sleep, completely oblivious to the weight of his mother’s words. She moved closer to Scarlett and rubbed her arm through her sweater. “You need to talk to Gunnar,” she said, gently. “Not me or Rayna or Zoey.”

“I know.” Scarlett put her hand over Juliette’s, squeezing it with her fingers. “I know.”

* * *

"I didn’t know what else to say.” 

Avery saw Juliette’s shoulders rise in a shrug before he pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it on the bathroom floor. “How’d she sound?”

“Sure. Like she was one hundred percent sure in what she was saying.” She faced the mirror, smearing white cream on her cheeks. “Gunnar knows, doesn’t he? I felt a little guilty telling Scarlett to talk to him like she’s gonna blindside him when he gets home but he must know something’s not right. Right?” He didn’t answer, rubbing his beard with one hand. “They toured the entire summer, sharing that tiny bedroom on the bus and hotel beds in city after city. And nothing? He has to know she’s unhappy.”

He stepped out of his jeans, kicking them towards the shirt. “Gunnar hasn’t said much lately. He’s been preoccupied with the baby. Maybe he thought she was just uncomfortable. I don’t know.”

“She wants to break up the duo.”

Her words made Avery look up from the shower faucet. “What?”

Juliette nodded, her entire face now covered in face cleanser. “That’s what she said.”

Avery watched his wife, absently studying her back as she bent over the sink to rinse her face. It made sense now, how she’d come home while he was cooking dinner and silently  hugged him from behind, moving as close as she could with her bump in the way. He could feel the cold on her from outside; fat snowflakes were still melting on the shoulders of her coat when he turned away from the stove to face her. 

She’d put him off the details of her visit until Cadence had been put to bed. Avery was only partly surprised that it had gotten that bad between his friends. He knew them. Professionally they were a perfect pair. But personally? They’d spent almost an entire year taking mini breaks from each other - as much as you can take a break from someone you write with, live and perform with. They were both relatively close-lipped about their arguments, “just stupid shit” is how Gunnar would describe it. All that stopped when Scarlett turned up pregnant, though. They were both happy - at least they seemed to be - with a killer new album and a sold out tour. Avery thought all the arguing was behind them but he also knew looks could be deceiving.

Juliette grabbed a towel and patted her face dry. She met his eyes in the mirror. “She said her mind isn’t made up but her heart is. You know her better than I do but I’m not sure if it’ll make a difference if you talk to her.”

Avery nodded in agreement. “I’ll talk to him then.”

* * *

He had his chance a few weeks later. Will wanted to record a few songs for his new album at FAME studios and he and Kevin invited both of them along since Avery had worked on the album, producing some of songs and Gunnar had written a few songs with him.

“A boys’ trip?” Juliette had asked.

He cupped her stomach, bending over to kiss the firm skin beneath his palm. “I’ll only go if you promise not to go into labor while I’m away.”

She’d giggled, covering his hand with hers. “This one’s not quite done cooking yet so I think we’re safe this time.”

* * *

Avery drove the two of them, Will and Kevin having gone down beforehand. With only a few hours between Nashville and Muscle Shoals, he didn’t focus on asking Gunnar how he and Scarlett were getting along. He didn’t want Gunnar to be in a bad mood when they got to the studio and figured he’d wait until afterwards to talk about anything too serious. They hadn’t spent a lot of time together recently, having both been busy with life and so they spent the time catching up. Avery told Gunnar JT was planning to move back to Nashville, might be interested in getting back into music and he wanted them to get to know each other. 

Before he knew it, they were at the studio and Avery just wanted to take it all in, the history of the place where so many great artists had recorded. Will wasn’t even done and Avery’d already texted Juliette to tell her he wanted to come back and maybe record some songs for her new album there - after the baby of course. When he and Gunnar left the studio his friend looked more relaxed than he had on the way down. 

“You gotta be home tonight?” Avery adjusted the strap of his bag on his shoulder. “I have a side trip to make but it’s gonna be a couple hours. If  you have to be home soon, you probably should ride with Will and Kevin.” 

But Gunnar didn’t seem to be in a hurry. This time when they got on the road, his friend was quick to start talking about everything they’d skirted around that morning. Just a few miles into the trip he confessed; he had the family he’d always wanted but there was little peace in his home. He and Scarlett got along one minute, one day and then they didn’t - for a week or longer. They parented the baby as though they were already living separately, one on-duty and one off until it was time to pass him back. Scarlett wasn’t writing anymore, “at least not anything she’s showing me. She doesn’t want to talk about music, writing another album. I don’t know what she wants.” He stretched his long legs out in front of the passenger seat as much as he could. “Kinda thought it was the baby all this time, making her moody and…” he tapped his knee, letting the words trail off. “I don’t know how to fix us. I don’t know that we can be fixed. If I could pinpoint one thing causing all of this I’d...I’d know. Thought it was somebody else, but she says it’s not. I have no idea. I’ve asked.  Feels like a hundred times I’ve asked her to tell me what -  _ why, _ but she doesn’t ever have an answer. I’m starting to think it would be better for Dean if we just…”

“You really mean that?” Avery took his eyes off the road to glance at him. 

“What’s worse, living with both your unhappy parents or getting shuttled back and forth? Both suck but maybe if we weren’t together we’d both have a chance at happiness with someone else. I love Scarlett but I’m tired. The baby changed everything.”

“Babies have a way of doing that.”

“I want better for him.” Gunnar ran a hand through his hair, playing with the ends. “And I’m tired of not feeling wanted,” he blurted, the words coming out rapid fire. “I’m tired of arguing. I’m tired of half-ass apologies when we make up, tired of waiting for the next argument to happen. And it  _ always _ happens. I don’t want Dean to grow up listening to that shit over and over.”

“Man, I’m sorry.” Avery tapped the steering wheel with a finger. “What are you gonna do about it?”

“That’s an interesting choice. Be the ass that ends it or wait for her to care enough to do it?”

“I don’t think it’s that Scarlett doesn’t care.”

“No? Well then you must know more than I do.” Gunnar let his head fall back on the headrest. “Where are we going anyway?”

“Juliette’s housewarming gift. It’s a surprise and I have to pick it up myself.”

Gunnar raised an eyebrow as he fixed his eyes on Avery. “You’re so whipped.” He turned away, growing silent as he stared out the window. “Enjoy it, brother.” The raw ache in his voice filled the car. “It’s hell being on the other end of things.”

* * *

If she had it to do all over again, Juliette would have begged her mother-in-law to stay a few extra weeks. Even better, she’d have refused the gracious cash offer on their old house, settling for possibly less money but maybe more time to get set up in their new home. As it were, she had one room entirely full of random furniture, boxes they had yet to unpack and a 3-week-old who had her entire sleeping schedule backwards. Several times since bringing Melody home Juliette had wondered if her infant daughter might be a vampire because the child absolutely refused to go down for longer than twenty minutes during the night but slept like an angel while the sun was up. Avery’s mother had been a great help, an extra set of hands to play with Cadence or deal with the baby when her parents were exhausted. It was unfortunate that she’d had to go back to Ohio but she’d been with them since the baby came and Juliette supposed she couldn’t steal Sandra away from her husband forever.

“I found them, Mama!” 

“You found the silverware?” Juliette looked up from the cardboard box she’d been rummaging in, smiling faintly as her daughter ran towards her with a soup ladle and a spatula held over her head. “Oh, boy.” She sighed, taking the utensils from Cadence. “Thank you, baby, but I was looking for forks and spoons.” She moaned as her stomach growled. “Do me a favor please and see if you can find mama’s phone. Daddy could pick up dinner on his way home if he knew we were starving to death over here.”

“What’s starving?” 

Juliette stopped and stared at her sweet 4-year-old, immediately flashing back to her own childhood. “Nothing you have to worry about, baby girl.” Cadence shrugged, scampering out of the kitchen and Juliette turned her attention to the baby seat sitting on the island. “Nothing for either of you to worry about.” She let her fingers drift over the sleeping baby’s feet, lightly squeezing her daughter’s bare toes with the pads of her fingers. The baby sighed, squirming slightly before settling back into her nap. Her mother took a chance on waking her and kissed her forehead, pausing to nuzzle her dark curls. She eventually stepped away to study the expansive kitchen, wondering where in the world her flatware might be hiding. They were clearly not amongst the few remaining boxes labeled kitchen. 

She pulled out a chair and sat, folding her arms on the walnut counter so she could drop her head and close her eyes.  _ Just two minutes. Please. _ It was her own fault, she chided herself. The moving company could have unpacked everything but she’d kicked them out before they were finished. The master bedroom was set up, her baby was asleep and all she’d wanted to do was crawl in bed and get some rest but they’d been so  _ loud _ , shuffling and grunting and wheeling things to and fro. Loud enough to startle her daughter into a chin-quivering squall. Juliette’s temper got the best of her and that was the end of that. 

Cadence returned empty handed, whining about dinner. “I’m hungry, Mama.”

“I know, kiddo. So am I.” Juliette bit her lip, considering what she could throw together with just a spatula, a ladle and the few pantry items they hadn’t thrown out in the move.

* * *

Avery picked up a pizza after dropping his mother off at the airport. He caught himself driving in the wrong direction, back to the old neighborhood, and had to turn around and drive the thirty minutes to their new house. It was their first night actually living there, still strange to be staying the night instead of just walking through, checking to make sure everything was all going to plan. He parked in the drive instead of the garage, wanting to see the creamy yellow paint in the moonlight before going inside. 

“Honey, I’m home.” He sang the words, balancing the box of pizza in one hand as he closed the front door. “Babe?” He found them in the living room, both dressed in their pajamas and sitting on a blanket covering the wooden floor. “What --” Juliette and Cadence put a finger to their mouths to shush him. 

His wife glanced at the baby in her arms and shook her head. “She just finished nursing. I thought she was falling off to sleep but of course not.”

Avery crouched, ruffling Cadence’s hair as he sat down with them. “Pancakes?”He set the pizza down, noting the puddles of syrup dotting their plates.

“We’re having a picnic, Daddy.” Cadence offered him her torn pancake and he leaned slightly, taking a bite and pulling a silly face for her at the same time.

“I couldn’t find the silverware but we made due. Breakfast for dinner.” Juliette passed the baby to him and dragged the last of her pancake over her plate before popping it in her mouth.

“Hey, Peanut.” The baby stretched in his arms, blowing a teeny milk-tinged bubble with her mouth. “Poor baby’s  got syrup in her hair.”

His wife’s smile was faint, tired. “Can you give the baths tonight?”

“Sure, babe.” One look at her frizzy bun, the shadows under her eyes and the splotches of spit-up and flour on her shirt and he sent her to bed. Then Cadence, who only listened to half of Hop on Pop before she was asleep in new room. Melody stayed awake the entire time, her bright blue eyes giving no hint of sleepiness. Avery propped her up, putting her little back to his chest so she could see and took her on her first official tour of the house. Bedrooms, bathrooms, the office he and Juliette would share, the studio he’d changed the design of at least five times. He pointed out the window overlooking the land all the way down to the large pond on the property, explaining how he’d wanted lots of light in there while he was working, wanted to see the water, the land and the sky all at once. Avery ended the tour in the master bedroom and spoke softly as he approached the bed. “There’s your mama, baby girl.” Almost on cue, the baby started fussing and Juliette rolled over and sat up. “Think she’s hungry.”

His wife yawned, holding out one arm and reaching for her bra strap with the other. “Come on then, greedy girl.”

Avery handed her over, kissing Juliette’s forehead before starting to get himself ready for bed. By the time he left the bathroom, Juliette had the baby over her shoulder, gently patting her small back.  “Hey, why are there boxes everywhere still? Weren’t the movers supposed to unpack?”

She rolled her eyes. “I’ll call them back tomorrow,” she said. 

He felt there was a story somewhere in there but left it alone. It was late, he could ask in the morning. He ducked into their closet. “I know you’re tired but I got you something.”

“Hmm?” She dabbed at the baby’s mouth with a burp cloth.

“A housewarming gift.”

She lifted her head, her eyes opening wide as he set a gift bag on the blanket next to her. “Baby, you didn’t have to - I didn’t get you anything.” She laid their daughter down in the middle of the mattress and gave her a pacifier.

He sat, squeezing in on her side of the bed. “Doesn’t matter. I wanted to do this for you.” She reached for the bag but he stopped her, holding her hand for a moment before letting go. “I really hope...I hope it’s okay.” She cocked her head slightly, frowning at him before batting tissue paper away. Avery held his breath, just watching as she pulled the weathered metal sun from the bag. She gasped and covered her mouth, staring at the object in her lap for a long minute and when she looked up at him she had tears in her eyes. “Juliette, I --”

“When? How’d you…” She traced the eyes, the mouth of the rusty star. “Why?” The last question was a broken whisper that he had to lean in to hear. 

Avery ignored the first two questions, deciding to skip explaining how he’d driven to her hometown and ended up paying the current resident of her old trailer for the old, tarnished sun her father had made for her when she was a kid. “Because you were happy when your father made that for you. A happy yellow house, that’s what you said.” He slipped his fingers under her chin so he could meet her eyes. “I want you to be happy in our yellow house. But if it brings up too many bad memories, I’m sorry.”

“No,” she said immediately, shaking her head. “No, this is a beautiful, gorgeous, amazing memory.” She cupped his face, giving him several soft kisses and murmuring her thanks every time she pulled away. “You’re a beautiful, gorgeous, amazing man. Thank you, baby,” she said it one final time as she stared at him. “I didn’t think I could fall any more in love with you, but here you go proving me wrong.” 


	3. Hawaiian Pizza

“Hawaiian pizza, never again.” Avery braced himself against the doorjamb, one hand on his stomach. “Don’t go in there.” He closed the door to their bathroom, shaking his head as he stumbled towards the bed. “I love you too much to subject you to that.” He fell on the mattress with a groan. “Do I have a fever?”

Juliette rolled her eyes at her husband’s dramatics. “You don’t have a fever. You have an upset stomach.” She put a hand on his forehead anyway. Perfectly cool. “You’re fine, Avery.”

“How are you not sick?” He rolled over on his back, grumbling about her Teflon stomach.

“Well, that’s what growing up in poverty will do for you. That’s the upside of being raised on potted meat and dry pancake mix.” She pulled his shoes off, letting them drop to the floor. “Do you want anything? Toast maybe?”

He shook his head, wincing as he rubbed his stomach. “I’m not in the right space for carbs right now.”

“Why is it when you get sick it’s the end of the world?”

Avery whimpered as his stomach audibly grumbled. “Is this what labor feels like?” His voice was full of wonder and he frowned at his wife. “Baby, I’m so sorry I put you through this twice.”

Juliette rolled her eyes again as she walked around the bed to leave the room. “Let me know when you are in the right space for food. I’ll just use one of the other bathrooms until we can get the hazmat team out here for this one.”

“Juliette.” He raised his voice to call after her. “Don’t let the babies come in here. I don’t want them to see me like this.”

“Neither do I, chief.” She gave him one last look before closing their bedroom door. He’d been sick on and off for most of the night and through the morning and she felt bad for him but she knew he was milking it a little - a lot. She was grateful Cadence hadn’t had any adverse reaction to the pizza they’d ordered for dinner the night before.  Their 6 month old was too young to eat much, though she had gummed a piece of crust until it was like a moist sponge. Juliette wasn’t sure it actually was the pizza causing Avery’s to be sick. She felt fine and she’d eaten more than he had.

Maybe she did have a Teflon stomach.

* * *

Or maybe she didn’t. Three hours later Juliette was in the guest bathroom hugging the toilet as she puked up her lunch. What started off as a little bit of queasiness had turned into a full-blown dash down the hallway with a hand over her mouth, praying she’d make it. And this was the second time.

“That damn pizza.” She moaned, reaching up to flush her lunch away. “Never again.”

* * *

For all his whining Avery recovered quickly, especially after he learned his wife was sick. But Juliette kept throwing up, even days after they’d eaten the diabolical ham and pineapple pizza.

“Again?” Avery rubbed her back as she hovered over the toilet in their bathroom. “Babe, you should be better by now.”

“I know.” She closed the lid on the toilet and slowly stood up. “I don’t know why I’m still sick but it’s ruining my plans. I’ve got a meeting with Rayna to talk about the album launch and the tour itinerary.” She grabbed his hand, turning his wrist so she could check the time on his watch. “In an hour. Dammit.”

“I’ve got the girls but do you think you’ll be okay? You can push the meeting.”

Juliette didn’t know if she could get dressed and make it to the city in time and she really wasn’t sure she should be more than five feet away from a toilet. “We already rescheduled from two days ago. I was too sick to make it.”

“Maybe we should make a doctor’s appointment? There might be something they can give you.”

His blue eyes were narrowed in concern, but she gave him a wobbly smile. “I’ll be okay. Just maybe a few minutes late.”

“All right.” He nodded, giving her a quick kiss on the forehead before leaving her alone in the bathroom.

Juliette splashed her face with water and braced herself against the counter. She felt a little bit shaky but she’d been excited to meet Rayna and talk about her tour and she was determined to go even if she had to drag herself to HW65 with a barf bag in one hand.

That determination lasted all of twenty minutes. She’d managed to get herself dressed, opting for comfortable instead of stylish. The hand holding the mascara brush shook slightly and she had to pull back from the mirror and take a deep breath.

“What the hell is going on with you?” She asked herself.

Secretly, Juliette wondered if it wasn’t food poisoning at all but nervousness. The album she’d written while she was carrying Melody had been recorded and the tour she’d been planning for so long was happening. Finally. For once, she’d followed everyone’s advice and had been patient through her pregnancy and while Avery was on the road. All of that was out of the way now and the timing was perfect. Her baby wasn’t a newborn anymore and Cadence was only in preschool for half the day. It was all falling into place. _Maybe that’s what’s got my stomach all riled up_. Everything was too perfect. In her experience, the good only lasted until the next disaster. And the last couple years had been beyond good, they were the best years she’d ever had. Even though she hated herself for it, she couldn’t stop thinking it was about time for the sky to fall.

She lifted the wand again, going after her left eye so she could finish and get to her meeting. The brush had just grazed her eyelash when her stomach turned and an unwelcome sourness flooded her mouth. She was still choking over the toilet when Avery came back in and could only nod when he insisted on taking her to the urgent care.

Glenn had just arrived to pick her up so he was able to watch the kids while they were gone. Juliette had to shake her head at the irony, because she did end up riding to the city with a plastic bag on her lap just in case.

“I feel better now,” she said as Avery threw the vehicle into park. “I probably just need one more day to rest.”

“It’s been four days, babe,” he said gently, one hand patting her thigh. “Let’s just get you checked out.”

* * *

They both laughed when the nurse asked if there was a possibility she was pregnant.

“Nope,” she said. “Two and through.”

“What does that mean?” The nurse persisted, her fingers poised over the tablet. “Did you have a tubal or…?”

“I had a vasectomy.” Avery reached for the hand she had in her lap.

“How long ago?” The nurse didn’t even look up at them as she asked and Juliette decided she didn’t like her.

“About three months ago.” He glanced at her for confirmation. “Around then.”

“And have you been having unprotected sex since then?”

“Well, that was kinda the point,” Juliette said, her sarcasm belying the smile on her face. “This is food poisoning. I’m not pregnant.” She was about two seconds from asking for someone else when the nurse finally raised her head.

“I have to ask.” Her voice held just enough compassion to calm Juliette down. “But we’ll still need a urine sample and that’s just standard procedure with your symptoms and the length of time since your vasectomy.”

Juliette shrugged. “All right. Let’s just get it out of the way then. Where’s the cup?”

* * *

“Do you want to talk about this before we get home?” Avery broke into the unspoken truce of silence they’d garnered since getting back to the car. The radio was off and the only noise had been the sound of the windshield wipers clearing the rain.

“I don’t want to talk about this at all.” She bit her lip and stared out the window at the overcast sky, willing herself not to burst into tears or kick at the glove compartment like a toddler having a tantrum. Of course she was pregnant. Of course she was.

Nurse Ratched had come in with the doctor so she could be the first to congratulate them when he broke the news and explained what had likely happened. Juliette completely ignored her and barely paid attention to the doctor talk about sperm viability because she already knew what had _likely_ happened. Before Avery even had the procedure done, his doctor had already warned them to continue using  protection for a few months until he got the all clear. And even though neither one of them enjoyed condoms, they’d been very strict about it all except for once or twice during one night about six weeks before.

 _That was all it took_ , she thought.

Avery let her stew as he drove. She couldn’t even look at him but instead watched it rain, mentally kicking herself for their thoughtlessness.The drizzle turned into fat, hard drops that drummed against the car and Juliette thought the weather suited her mood. The sky was literally falling just as she’d known it would.

* * *

Avery stopped to get her saltines and ginger ale and the gesture made her eyes blur with tears as she watched his back disappear through the rain. Now that they knew it was morning sickness he knew exactly what she needed to make dealing with it more tolerable.

His shirt was damp when he jogged back to the car, his hair stringy as it hung on his forehead. He reached for her hand and she let him squeeze it before pulling hers away and curling it in her lap.

“Baby, I -”

“I’m not ready to talk about it yet.” She cut him off before he could finish. “Please.”

He didn’t push but she knew he wasn’t exactly happy about her refusal to talk by the way he stabbed at the radio. Of course Avery would want to face it head on. Meanwhile she didn’t want to face it, directly or otherwise.

* * *

As it happened, their first wedding anniversary came up when Avery was away touring with his band. It was a short tour, just a few weeks, but he’d been hesitant to go because Melody was only a couple months old. Juliette had to talk him into it and then two weeks later, she left the kids with Emily so she could surprise him at a show.

She’d watched him perform three songs of his set before he looked up and noticed her standing there. She laughed when he did a double take and then his mouth split into a huge grin.

“This is a surprise,” he said into the microphone. He motioned for her to join him on stage and the crowd went crazy when she came out waving. They hugged in the middle of everything and he whispered in her ear, “What the hell are you doing here?”

She took the mike from him and addressed the crowd, keeping her eyes on his. “It’s our anniversary.”

The crowd screamed then and it grew even louder when they kissed. He pulled back and grabbed his guitar by the neck. “You stay right there,” he said, taking the microphone back. “Didn’t know you were coming but I have something for you.” And then he serenaded her with a song he’d been working on since he’d been on the road. Juliette hated crying in front of people but that night she’d had to wipe tears away while listening to him sing about the depth of his love and how thankful he was for her.

After, he kicked everyone off his tour bus so they could have it to themselves. They ran out of condoms sometime during the night and from then on they enjoyed each other in every other way they could think of. In the morning the bus was still rolling and the sunlight was muted by the tinted windows. Exhaustion had lulled them to sleep a few hours before and they were both still in that hazy place of dreams when they embraced, moving into each other one final time. Unbeknownst to either of them, that’s where their third miracle would spark inside of her, on I-70 somewhere in between Wichita and Colorado Springs.

* * *

Avery wouldn’t call what Juliette was doing sulking. Not exactly. He couldn’t really tell what she was feeling. She’d been quiet and stone-faced since the doctor had come telling them he’d solved the mystery of her stomach illness. They even gave her an ultrasound because Juliette refused to believe the urine test.

The ultrasound tech had a guesstimate on the baby’s age but he already knew how far along she’d be. He remembered that night after his show in Wichita and that was the only time it could have happened. They’d even joked about running out of condoms before she left his hotel to catch her plane back to Nashville.

“God, wouldn’t that be something?” Juliette had slid chapstick against her lips as he got dressed. “I should have packed more than a few but I was rushing. And I clearly underestimated how much you’ve been missing me.” She gave him that wicked Juliette Barnes smirk. “You were in rare form last night.”

“You weren’t too bad yourself.” And then he was on her, tasting the cherry chapstick on her lips.  It was their anniversary, the first time they’d been away from Melody for any length of time and he could never get enough of his wife. He cupped her backside, pulling her tight against him. “When I get back to the bus I’m gonna smell you on the sheets and it’s gonna fuck me up.” He started pushing her backwards towards the hotel’s bedroom but she stopped him.

“Babe, I have to go. I’ve gotta get back to our babies and you’ve got a show to do.” He was already missing her when she stepped away. “I’ll see you in a couple weeks.”

When he’d come home they’d kept using protection until the doctor said he was officially sterile. That had only been a few days ago - as a matter of fact, the same day he had the ill-fated idea to order that disgusting pizza for dinner. And now they were in this weird place where he wanted to talk but she’d only said a few words to Glenn, had been on auto-pilot with the girls and had avoided looking him in the eyes all night.

After the girls were down he tried to work for a while but couldn’t focus. He found Juliette cleaning up in the kitchen, wiping the counters down and putting the leftovers in the fridge.

Avery decided to get straight to the point. “You want to tell me how you feel?” He didn’t think she was going to answer at first because she had her back to him, still fiddling around with the refrigerator. But then she closed it and grabbed a towel to wipe her hands with as she walked to where he was standing. She stopped on the other side of the counter and shrugged.

“Not great. Basically the complete opposite of the way I felt with Melody.” She shook her head at him, lowering it for a second before looking back up to meet his eyes. “We were so happy. You remember? So excited that we were pregnant again. We wanted that baby girl. We’d prayed for another baby. But this…” She gestured to her stomach but didn’t touch it. “This is what we were trying to avoid.” Juliette took a deep breath before she continued. “Avery, I love you more than _anything_ . And I love our girls. I feel so incredibly guilty for feeling this way about this pregnancy but I wanted this tour. It’s been _years_.”

“I know, babe.”

“We had a plan. Melody, then your show and then my album and the tour. And now that’s not gonna happen. I can’t travel. Can’t perform. Gotta make it through another high-risk pregnancy. Gotta pray I don’t get postpartum depression again. Melody is six freaking months old, Avery. She’s not even crawling yet. But here we are.” She shrugged again and he could see the tears standing in her eyes.

“Juliette, you don’t have to apologize for how you feel. We didn’t expect this. You know how I felt about the vasectomy, that I wanted to do it because your body has been through enough. I’m not excited about you going through another pregnancy but…” he let the sentence trail off. “I know how hard you’ve worked to get ready for this tour and I’m so sorry. That’s how I feel. I’m sorry you have to give it up.”

The tears fell from her eyes, marking rivulets down her cheeks. “Avery, how are we gonna bring another baby into this family when this is how we feel?”

He shuffled his feet, shifting his weight as he considered the question. “It’s still early. We don’t have to--” He stopped abruptly when she held up a hand and he noticed her eyes had narrowed to slits.

“You can’t be -- are you saying we should...get rid of it?” Her voice had lowered to a whisper.

“Let me explain.” He leaned over the counter to reach for her arm but she was already backing away.

“I can’t even - are we really having _this_ conversation?”

“Juliette. Let me finish.”

“No. I can’t.” She took another step back, almost bumping into the oven behind her. “I don’t want to talk about this right now.” She was crying openly as she held her hands together in front of her chest. “Can we talk about it later? Please.”

What else could he do but agree? She was too emotional to listen and he knew if they kept talking things would only get worse. “Yeah, that’s probably a good idea.” She was on her way out of the room when he called her name. Avery noticed it took her a beat to turn around but she did and he let her know he was going out for a while. They could both use some space.

* * *

His intention was just to drive and clear his head but somehow he ended up at Gunnar’s. He’d have cold beer and if it wasn’t his night to have his son,  a sympathetic ear for his friend. At least that’s how it usually worked with he, Gunnar and Will. Unfortunately, Gunnar was in a sour mood and when he learned what was going on he made an off-hand remark about keeping Juliette barefoot and pregnant that pissed Avery off. He’d needed a friend, not judgment, and he had to bite back his anger to keep from ruining a long-lasting friendship and he cleared out of there after telling Gunnar he was an ass.

Avery made it back home and decided to walk the yard instead of going back inside. Gunnar’s attitude was catching and he knew he needed to calm down before going inside and speaking to his wife.

One thing he loved about the farm was how quiet it was at night. He’d been dubious about building a house on  Juliette’s land. It was further from the city than her house had been, farther away from everything he’d known since he’d moved to Nashville. It had only been a few months but he was glad for it now. The farmhouse represented a fresh start, one they’d desperately needed after the PPD, their divorce and the plane crash.  It was where they’d raise their girls and now this new baby along with them.

The sun had set hours ago, but Avery had a sudden vision of the yard as it was during the day with three kids playing right where he was standing. Three girls, laughing and running after each other with a dog chasing after them. The image made him chuckle, a genuine joy spreading in his chest.  

* * *

Juliette was on the couch in the living room when he got back in, one leg tucked under her, the other one on the floor.

She spoke first, apologizing for clamming up on him all day. “I’m still trying to process. You weren’t talking about an abortion, were you?”

He shook his head as he sat next to her, pulling her leg into his lap. “You know me better than that. I was going to point out that we might not be happy now but we’re still at the beginning of this thing. We’ll feel differently by the time it gets here. No, it’s not the same as it was with Melody. This one is unexpected and I know you’re disappointed that our plans have to change but we made it work before with Cadence and we can make it work again.”

“Can we?”

The uncertainty in her voice made him feel a surge of protectiveness. “We can.” He assured her. “Honestly, babe, I can’t help thinking that this pregnancy was meant to happen, that she was meant to be here with us.”

“She?” She cocked an eyebrow. “You have a feeling already?”

He shrugged. “I wouldn’t put money on it but...I don’t know. I just want you healthy either way, the both of you.”

“That’s the thing.” Juliette stretched, unfurling her other leg to lay in his lap. “When you first brought up wanting to have a vasectomy it made me a little sad. I was thinking maybe in a couple years we’d talk about having another, maybe try for a little boy, but then I thought that’s just crazy. Melody was only two months old and Cadence is just 4. We have two healthy daughters and I’m in a good place - we’re in a good place. Why chance all that? It started to feel like the right decision.”

“I still think it was the right decision.This one’s the last no matter who it turns out to be.” He rubbed the top of her foot, running his thumb across her toes.

“You promise?” She asked wryly. “You won’t get me pregnant again in 15 months?”

He chuckled, tickling the bottom of her foot until she pulled it away. “I promise. And I promise we’ll figure out your next move.”

* * *

It was Rayna again who came to the rescue, though she had to do some convincing to get Juliette onboard with her idea.

“Rayna, that’s insane. No way. I’m not doing a talk show.” Juliette was tempted to storm out of her labelhead’s office because if that was the best idea Rayna could come up with, her career was really in trouble.

Glenn tried to interject and soften her outburst by explaining for her but Rayna, who was no stranger to Juliette’s temper, gave him a demure smile and kept on talking calmly.

“Hear me out. It’s a new afternoon talk show with three other hosts. It’ll be filmed here and air nationally. And it’s a guest spot, just until you have the baby. Nobody expects this to be a permanent thing. Let’s seriously consider the pros before we dismiss the idea. This will keep you in the public eye and introduce people to Juliette the mom, the wife. Fans will see a different side of you than what they know. And let’s face it, you’ve been off the radar for a long time, Juliette. After your recovery you got married, then had a baby--”

“And then got pregnant again.” Juliette couldn’t help but interrupt. “Yes, I know. I’m kind of living this life right now.”

“My point is, you haven’t done much musically.”

“I wrote and recorded an album, Rayna,” she said defensively. “A damn good album.”

Rayna was nonplussed. “That we need to push the release of until you can participate in promoting it. It is a good album, Juliette. And after you do this show, have a healthy baby and give it a few months, we can talk about a tour.”

She blinked back tears, refusing to let anyone see how much that hurt. Rayna was talking about postponing her tour for at least another year and even though she knew she couldn’t take a newborn out on the road it stung to be set on Highway 65’s backburner again.

“You think about it and let me know, okay?” Rayna nodded at both of them.

Glenn tried to soothe her on their way to the car. “It’s unusual but it’s not a terrible idea for you right now. You would be working, like Rayna said, keeping your face out there. And there may be some endorsements down the line.”

“For what, Glenn? Diapers again?” She paused on the sidewalk just outside the office, grasping her manager’s wrist so he’d stop too. “Is this really the best we can do?”

“Kiddo, you can say no if you really hate the idea. We can release some singles from the album but there’s no getting around pushing the tour. You know that. I think this will be good for you. It’s only a few months.”

“Glenn.” She pressed her lips together, not really wanting to ask the question but needing to know the answer. “Do you think I should do it? I mean, personality wise?”

He laughed, taking her elbow to escort her to the car. “These shows don’t take long to tape so you’ll only have to play nice for a few hours.”

“But it’s every day,” she whined.

* * *

“I think that’s the best thing for the song but Sadie doesn’t agree.” Avery rambled on as he helped Juliette stretch. He was on his knees on the couch and she lay on her back, her left leg resting on his chest. She glanced at the ceiling and lazily rubbed her bump, presumably listening to him drone on about the problems of producing Sadie Stone’s first album since her return to Nashville. He squeezed her thigh, kneading the muscles in her leg before moving up to her calf. “She’s stuck on speeding up the tempo but if we do that --” Juliette gasped and he stopped, holding her leg still as he frowned at her. “What’s wrong? Did I hurt you, hon?”

“No, I…” She let the words trail off as she raised up on her elbows.

“Then what…” It dawned on him when he noticed the blush coloring her cheeks. “Ohhhh, is it that second trimester itch already?” He let her leg fall to the side and moved, bracing his arm on the back of the couch as he leaned over her. “Is that what this is?” After two previous pregnancies he knew her desire for him would be out of control at least for the next few months. His smirk slowly faded when she plopped back down on the cushion and covered her face with her hands. “Babe?”

“I’m sorry.” She put one hand on his chest, smoothing the fabric beneath her palm. “It’s just - I can’t stop thinking about it, you, _us_. I dream about it. I keep waking up in the middle of the night sweaty and...you know.”

He fell back on his end of the couch and gawked at her, confused. “You’ve been waking up horny in the middle of the night? For how long? You haven’t so much as touched me. Juliette, what the hell?”

She raised up again, putting her weight on one elbow as she pointed at him. “Because you’ve been busy working and I heard you --”

He didn’t even wait for her to finish. “Heard me what?”

She turned away for a moment before bringing her eyes back to his. “Last time with Melody you were complaining about being my man servant and my sex slave and so I didn’t --”

Avery interrupted again, this time with a laugh. “You silly little thing.” He said it with affection and palmed her belly, slowly rubbing his thumb over the swell of their child growing inside of her.  “I wasn’t complaining, Juliette. I can promise you that.” He moved so he could hover over her, nuzzling her temple with his nose and then whispered in her ear. “I never told you this is my favorite trimester?”

She threaded her fingers through his hair. “No, you never told me that.”

It was the rasp of her breath against his cheek, the smell of her, the way she spread her thighs, cradling him against her - he was hard within the space of an inhale. “I’ll prove it to you.”

* * *

Avery rubbed his daughter’s back in slow circles. Cadence had unexpectedly conked out earlier but Melody had been cranky since breakfast and she’d fought a valiant effort to stay awake. She whimpered on his shoulder, turning her head to snuggle into his neck. “You’re fine, sweetheart.” He held her for a little longer before daring to lay her down in the portable crib in Juliette’s dressing room. He sat down on couch next to the sleeping 5-year-old, just in time to watch Juliette interact with a celebrity chef during a cooking segment. She’d told him the food was the best part of the job and every guest chef who’d come on wanted to make sure she had enough for two.

It would be her last show and though she wouldn’t admit it, Avery knew she was sad about it ending but her due date was fast approaching and she was uncomfortable sitting for too long. Weeks ago she’d started kicking off her heels on set while they were taping, which ended up initiating a discussion about the difficult aspects of pregnancy.

Juliette had ticked off the list on her fingers. “My back hurts, my ankles are swollen. I have to use the bathroom three hundred sixty-eight times a day. I can smell like a bloodhound, which is not as fun as it sounds.”

Her two other co-hosts added to the list and the last one, an actress who didn’t have any children finally asked about the positives.

“Sex drive.” Juliette said immediately, prompting laughter from the live audience.

Avery chuckled at that. He actually liked watching her on TV although he hadn’t expected that she’d enjoy it as much as she had. Rayna was right about it showing a different side to her, something other than the country music star with the tumultuous and often tragic personal life. The audience had warmed to her as she grew into the role. Of the four hosts, she was the sassy one, but that was to be expected. She was also funny, even if her humor often veered to sarcasm. She’d shared stories about Cadence’s antics and Melody’s development. All of America knew about his daughter’s first steps and her hatred of sweet potatoes. Juliette often talked about their marriage and Gunnar had taken to texting him clips, highlighted with heart and vomit emojis, of her gushing about him.

**Awww. Aren’t y’all just the cutest couple that ever cuted?**

**Stop stalking my wife, you creeper.**

Despite his friend’s teasing and his liberal use of little green faced emojis, Avery would always watch the clip because he loved hearing her talk openly about how much she loved him. Far cry from where they’d started all those years ago.

* * *

 

They hadn’t bothered finding out the gender, choosing to be surprised when he or she was born. Juliette really wanted to name a boy after him but they couldn’t agree on a girl’s name. They’d decided to honor a close friend with the middle name but he wasn’t sure if they should continue the musical theme for the first name. Juliette thought the baby would one day feel left out if they went for something more traditional.

It was still up for debate when she went into labor and much like with Cadence, their youngest daughter came into the world weeks early, with no name to speak of. Juliette cradled her, marveling at how quickly her heart had expanded with love. She’d been ambivalent about the pregnancy at first, even a bit resentful of what she’d had to give up. But as her belly swelled, she’d felt her daughter’s hiccups and kicks and had seen her in ultrasounds and she realized it was the last time she’d carry a life that she and her husband had created from love.

And now she’d arrived, beautifully wrinkled and bald as an egg with eyes shaped like her mama’s and what looked to be her daddy’s nose, although it was too small to really tell. “She’s like a little bird.”

Avery leaned in close over the hospital bed as they stared at the newborn. “I like Lark.”

“Lark Barkley? You don’t think the rhyme will be an issue once she gets to school?”

The baby opened her milky blue eyes and Juliette lifted her arms so he could take her. “You should name her since I chose Cadence and Melody. But nothing that rhymes with Barkley.”

“There is a musical name I like but I’m not sure you will. It means pause and reflect. I like the idea of doing that with her, since she was such a surprise.”

Juliette nodded. “The meaning fits. We had to pause and change some things around but now that she’s here I really feel like she completes us.” She watched as he swayed slightly with the baby in his arms. “Well, don’t keep me in suspense. What’s her name?”  

“Selah.” He smiled down at the baby and then at her. “Selah Emile Barkley.”


	4. Come back, Comeback

They argued the day before she left for the third leg of her _Homecoming_ tour. And it was far more than a mild-mannered spat over something trivial; it escalated from zero to one hundred in minutes, turning into a full on shouting match complete with tears, slammed doors and both of them saying things they would later regret. The kids weren’t there to witness it - the only silver lining in the entire situation. It was a shame to waste the last of Juliette’s week off like that but their fight had been brewing for months and both of them had been storing up their frustrations, backing away from any tension before it could spill. The powder keg had finally exploded and after Juliette slammed the bedroom door in his face,  Avery walked away even though he could hear something crash to the floor on the other side. He had to will himself to calm down, clenching and unclenching his fists so he wouldn’t put one through the wall.

_How’d we get here?_

It started with the baby. His mother had taken to calling her Song when she was just days old and the nickname stuck. Still bald at almost 12 months, but she was the happiest, sweetest infant who slept through the night at five weeks old and learned to walk early. Song was no trouble. They were blessed with an easy baby and thankfully, Juliette did not suffer from PPD again.

They eased into being the parents of three young children and she slowly started focusing on her career again. First she’d wanted to expand her upcoming album with songs she’d written while she was pregnant. He was excited to get back in the producer’s chair for her and they were able to add a full second disc to the album, the majority of it recorded at their home studio with the kids nearby.

Juliette breastfed Song for six months before weaning and then went on a series of diets. Whole 30, Paleo, Keto - he lost track of the names. No matter how many times he assured her that she was absolutely the most gorgeous woman he knew and her post-baby body was still sexy, he’d walk into their bathroom and find her in front of the mirror, running a critical palm over her abdomen.  He got used to the kale smoothies, but he never knew what she’d be able to eat and what she’d be tossing in the trash from week to week. Still, Avery didn’t complain too much because his wife had gone through two pregnancies in less than three years. He considered himself lucky he hadn’t had to talk her out of plastic surgery. If it’d just been the dieting - or even the many hours she spent exercising - he wouldn’t have worried.

But it was more than that.

The album Avery produced for Sadie Stone shocked everyone and won a Grammy, so Rayna could afford to be generous with HW65’s promo budget. Juliette’s album skyrocketed up the charts. She did the press, all the interviews and radio spots. People magazine came to the farm for a photo shoot, an interviewer for Rolling Stone followed them around for two exasperating days. Just about every other week there was a brand new endorsement deal to consider. They were calling it a comeback - and Avery was really surprised that she didn’t mind. She was giddy.  He was happy for her, of course. She deserved it. Juliette deserved every bit of the success she’d worked so hard to obtain.

They had help with the kids, his mother would come for a few days and of course they had Emily, and Juliette took the girls wherever she could. Cadence went to the video shoots, she pushed Song and Melody in a double stroller on her runs. In every interview she mentioned her family, how blessed she was to have the four of them. For her husband she had nothing but praise. “I love that guy. Avery’s my rock. I don’t know what I’d do without him in my corner.”

This time the words were true and for a while, it seemed as if she was successfully juggling motherhood, her career and their marriage. Still, Avery had a niggling in his gut, one that wouldn’t go away and it only got worse once she started planning her tour.

* * *

"So.” Juliette pressed a kiss to Avery’s bare shoulder, then lay her head on his chest. The mattress bounced as she moved into his side, sliding her leg up so it rested on top of his thigh. “I was thinking.”

“Uh oh.” He played with her hair, twisting the silky blonde strands so they slid through his fingers over and over again.

She smoothed a hand over the flat planes of his stomach until she met the waistband of his pajama pants. “You know Maddie’s set to open for me.”

“Mm-hm.” He stopped staring at the ceiling to glance at the video baby monitor on her nightstand. The camera was focused on their youngest daughter’s crib and he could hear Song’s tiny grunts as she rolled over, kicking at her blanket. She was a wild sleeper. _Just like her mama._

“Glenn and I were talking about adding another opener and I was thinking, what if you came out with me.”

There it was, the now familiar sense of dread making his stomach clench into a knot. “Babe.” He tried to stop her, wanted to stop her before she got excited about the possibility.

“Avery, just listen to me. I know your style isn’t country but I think it could work. Maddie’s more pop country anyway. And if you opened for me we could take the girls. We’d all be together.”

She lifted her head to look at him and even in the dark he could see the hope in her eyes. He let her hair fall from his hand. “I can’t do that, Juliette.” He rubbed her back, feeling the curve of her waist through the Bluebird Cafe T-shirt of his that she’d long ago stolen. “For one, the tour kicks off before Cadence gets out of kindergarten. And we agreed not to raise the babies on the road. We both said we wanted to try and keep some sense of normalcy for them.”

“Avery. We wouldn’t be _raising_ them on the road.  It’s one tour, while they’re so little. I only have a few dates scheduled before school gets out. You could join after.” She sat up, moving until she was cross-legged on the bed. **“** Maddie’s got a solid album and you sold out some shows the last time you toured. Baby, this could be gr--”

“You don’t remember how hectic it was when we had Cadence out there?” He shook his head, tearing his eyes away from her dark form sitting next to him. “Maybe you don’t but I do. That was hell trying to juggle her, keep her on a schedule. And we’d have all three of them. Lugging them from city to city with bottles and baby gates and toys and then having to get them all to sleep in a different hotel almost every night? Sounds like a nightmare, Juliette.”

“So what’s your suggestion then? We switch off? And one of us doesn’t see them for a week or two?

“For the whole summer? That’s not gonna work.”

She threw her hands up. “I know. So what should we do then? Since you clearly don’t want to join my tour.”

Avery sighed, rubbing at the skin between his eyes. “Please don’t do this.”

“Do what, Avery?” She folded her hands in her lap. “You realize I’m talking about your band, right? I’m not asking you to be my lead guitar. I _know_ you’d say no to that.”

“ _This._ ” He sat up to face her and motioned between the two of them. “Don’t do this. It’s late, babe. I don’t want to argue. You know that’s not the reason why I’m saying no. Listen,” he paused to reach over to his side of the bed and turn on the light. They both squinted and Avery took her hands in his. “This is your first tour in a long time. I know you’re worried about how it’s gonna go and  --”

“I’m not asking you to join the tour to be my security blanket, Avery.” Juliette snatched her hands away. “You know what? Nevermind. Forget I asked.” She flicked the light off from her side and stretched out, turning her back to him as she lay down.

“Juliette.” He took a chance and put a hand on her shoulder.

“I’ll ask somebody else.” She curled in on herself, moving away from him. “You’re right,” she said, her voice gritty with disappointment. “It is late and I don’t want to argue either.”

Avery let his hand fall away as he lay down. “Baby.” His fingers played over the sheet between them, itching to grab her hips and pull her closer as he did every night.  “I am sorry.”

She blew out an exhale, turning just enough so that he could see the shape of her nose pointing towards the ceiling. “Goodnight, Avery.”

* * *

The next morning she was up with the sun and by the time Avery made it to the kitchen she had the girls dressed and was cleaning up the remnants of breakfast.

“Morning.” He said it with some caution in his tone, not knowing if his wife would still be angry.

Juliette glanced at him from where she stood at the sink. “Hey.” She rinsed a Sesame Street bowl and put it in the dishwasher.

At least she didn’t seem upset. And he noticed her slight smile as he greeted their daughters, kissing the tops of their heads in turn - one blonde, one curly brunette and the last, with just a hint of peach fuzz. His hip bumped Juliette’s side when he grabbed the dish towel to wipe oatmeal from Melody’s sticky hands. She stepped back, flicking water from her fingers as she widened the distance between them.

“I need to meet Glenn in the city. He has some suggestions about that second opener. I was gonna take Cadence with me.”

Avery nodded, still clutching the damp towel in his hand as she told their oldest child to get her shoes and kissed the babies goodbye. She hesitated, standing in between the two highchairs for a few beats until she shrugged and came back to the sink. She stood on her toes and it was out of habit that he leaned down to kiss her but she was aiming for his cheek and her lips ended up landing near the corner of his mouth. “I’ll see you later.”

“Baby, I…”

“I’m not mad at you, Avery. I just need to figure this out.”

For the first time that morning she brought her face to his for more than a second and he could see there was no anger swirling in the emerald depths of her eyes. She wasn’t mad; she was hurt and Avery hated that he’d made her feel that way. He hugged her, careful with his wet hand as he pulled her against him. She was stiff at first and he almost thought she’d push him away but then she finally relaxed against him and a few seconds later, brought her arms up and circled his waist. He buried his nose in her hair and breathed her in and they stayed that way until Cadence ran back into the kitchen, giggling as she wrapped her small arms around the both of them.

“Alright, Monkey.” Juliette chuckled as she stepped back. “We better go see Papa Glenn.”

Avery was reluctant to let her go. He suddenly wanted to tell her the whole of it and make her understand but she was already heading out. “See you when you get back.”

* * *

Juliette waited until the babies were napping and Cadence was preoccupied with Nickelodeon before she voiced the question she’d been itching to ask.“So tell me, Em. Am I gonna be planning an engagement party soon?” She threw her arm over the back of the couch and winked at her assistant.

Emily giggled. “J, It’s only been three dates.”

“Yeah, but you like this one.” She imitated Cadence, bobbing her head up and down rapidly and making Emily laugh again. “You do, I can tell.”

“I do like him,” Emily admitted. “Very much. But we’ll have to see how it goes with the tour coming up. Speaking of which…”  She paused, wincing a bit as she finished the sentence. “Are you still mad at Avery?”

It’d been a week since Avery had refused to join her tour. Juliette had reluctantly agreed to take Will instead after talking to Glenn. She shrugged in answer to her assistant’s question. “Not mad,” she corrected, tipping the pitcher to refill both of their glasses of sweet tea. She handed Emily her glass and sat back on the couch. “I’m not mad,” she repeated the words slowly. “I just don’t get it.” The sip she took was barely enough for her to taste the sweetness of the tea. “My tour schedule is hectic - you know that. We’re hitting an insane number of cities in a few months so I can be back at home before school starts. I want the kids with me as much as possible. I want my husband with me as much as possible. I don’t understand why…” She let the words trail off as she swirled her tea in the glass. “I was thinking about something Rayna told me a while ago, how she left her girls home with her husband while she was touring and then he resented her for it. He felt like he’d sacrificed his career so she could have hers. I don’t want that for us. I hate the thought of Avery giving up anything else for me after everything with Cadence and then the plane crash.” She sighed, pushing away those dark memories. “I thought this would be good for both of our careers. And we’d have our girls.” She drained the rest of her tea and set the empty glass on the coffee table.“I think there’s something he’s not telling me.”

“Like what?”

“Hell if I know.” Juliette glanced at her daughter to make sure she couldn’t hear them talking. “But you better believe I’m gonna find out.”

* * *

For some reason, Melody and Dean didn’t get along. Avery knew his middle child was prone to dramatics, even as a toddler. Dean had inherited Scarlett’s more reserved demeanor rather than his father’s silliness. Play dates with the two usually involved at least one meltdown from Melody with Dean looking on in confusion as she pitched a fit on whatever flat surface was convenient. Gunnar joked that they’d get married one day and his poor son would spend his life with that same confused look on his face as his wife threw tantrums when she didn’t get her way. Avery didn’t even want to imagine being related to Gunnar by marriage and just hoped Melody would grow out of this stage and that Song would skip it altogether.

It was a decent spring afternoon. Slightly cloudy but warm enough. Cadence was still in school and the younger kids had to wear their jackets at the park, but it had stopped raining earlier in the week and the ground was dry.

“I don’t understand why you can’t just tell her.” Scarlett sat at one end of the park bench, her legs crossed under the long skirt she wore.

Avery sat near the other end, but the bench was a small wrought-iron monstrosity only fit for one and a half people. If not for her bag jammed between them, their thighs would be touching. “I can’t be that guy,” he said simply, keeping his eyes on Song as she took wobbly steps towards her sister and Dean. “The asshole husband that crushes his wife’s dreams because he’s selfish.”

Scarlett snorted. “Guess I’m that girl then. The selfish, asshole girlfriend that crushed her boyfriend’s dreams.”

“I’m not saying that at all, Scar.” He wondered if there would ever come a time when conversation with Scarlett and Gunnar didn’t end up circling back to their dysfunctional non-relationship/co-parenting situation/whatever the hell they were calling it now.

“No, you didn’t.” She did at least look apologetic. “I’m sorry, I’m just...Gunnar’s dating somebody new and sometimes I feel guilty for ending things but then I want to choke him at the same time. Don’t mind me.”

Avery already knew about Gunnar’s new girlfriend but he wouldn’t comment on that for anything.

“You really think your marriage can’t handle the conversation?”

“What?”

She frowned at him, furrowing her forehead just briefly before turning back to the three kids playing with their toys. “After everything y’all have been through, her PPD, the plane crash and a surprise baby - do you really think you and Juliette can’t have a simple conversation about you dissolving your band?”

“Probably won’t be a simple conversation.” He shrugged. “All I know is, I’ve gotta make this work somehow. For her. It’s been years since she’s been on tour. She’s excited about getting back out there. I can’t be the one standing in her way.”

“Couple years back your wife told me to talk to my partner. I regret having to blow up his life to get mine together but you’re not aiming to do that, Avery. It’s not selfish to tell her how you feel especially if - oh, sweet Lord.”

Scarlett leapt from the bench and headed for the children. From what Avery could tell, Dean had picked up one of Melody’s toys and that was enough for her to start bawling as if he’d set the thing on fire. She snatched the toy back leaving the little boy staring at her with wide eyes. Scarlett came back holding his daughter, her face ruddy as she hiccuped the last of her tears. Of their three girls, she looked the most like him. His wife would say she was nearly all Barkley but he thought she had her mama’s attitude through and through. Avery knew he should have scolded her but she called his name and reached for him, her dark hair tickling his nose as she buried her face in his leather jacket and clung to his neck. He patted her back, rocking back and forth until she stopped crying. _Poor thing_.

Scarlett scoffed as she returned to her seat next to him. “She knows which side her bread is buttered on, doesn’t she?”

* * *

“This is gonna sound bad.”

That’s how her husband started the conversation. Juliette had only just closed her laptop and abandoned the desk in their office to stretch out on the oversized couch that was usually her favorite place to write. She raised herself up on her elbows, watching him warily as he came inside and shut the door behind him. She didn’t speak, just raised one eyebrow and waited until he finally said what he probably should have said weeks before when he’d turned her down.

“I got used to you being here.” He sat in the chair she’d just been in, his words slow and hesitant as if he were afraid of how she’d react. “I got used to it being the three of us and then the four of us and now the five of us. Even when you were doing the talk show you were home every night and I enjoyed that.”

“I didn’t retire, Avery.”

“I know that.”

“And you didn’t marry a housewife.”

“I know who I married.”

“This is the real reason you didn’t want to join the tour? So it’s not even about the kids but because you don’t want me to tour at all.” She sat up, shaking her head in disbelief.

“No. Juliette, I’m not saying that.” He clasped his hands together, rubbing his palms against each other. “What I said about the kids is the truth. But what I’m saying to you now is the truth as well. And there’s also...I probably should have told you this a while back but Kenny’s moving back to Florida. His mom’s sick.”

“Okay. I’m sorry to hear that but you can get another drummer. Gunnar’s a drummer.”

Avery rubbed at his bottom lip. “I don’t want to get his hopes up that it’s gonna be a permanent gig.  JT’s got a fiance and Gunnar’s got Dean every couple of days but they’re basically free to do whatever they want. I’ve got obligations coming out of my ass.”

“Wow. Isn’t that sweet? I love you too.”

His blue eyes widened as if he hadn’t realized how that would sound. “You know what I mean. I’ve got you and the girls and I realized that I can’t do everything. I don’t even want to try. I want to focus more on producing and I can’t do that and give my all to the band or to the kids and you. It’s time for me to set performing to the side, at least for now. Gunnar and I were talking about starting this music podcast and--”

“Avery, what the hell are you talking about?” Juliette exploded, shooting to her feet for a second before collapsing back on the couch. “Let me see if I understand.  You don’t want to come with me because it’ll be too much with the kids, but also because you’ve suddenly decided to stop performing and start a freaking podcast with your best friend but _really_ because you’d rather me stay here and be your pregnant little hausfrau than actually have a career. Did I get it all? Because you were right when you said it was gonna sound bad. This sounds very shitty.” She launched herself from the couch and started for the door but then stopped and turned around. “You know what I wanted? When I was stuck in that wheelchair praying I’d be able to walk again and all that time when it was the three of us and then four and then five?” She swallowed over the lump in her throat, squeezing her eyes closed so the tears wouldn’t fall. “I just wanted to sing again. I wanted you, my husband - my best friend to see me back up on that stage. I wanted you to be proud of me.” Her voice broke on the last and he was there, pulling her into a hug she wished she was too angry to accept.

“Baby, I am proud.” Avery kissed her forehead and wiped the tears from her eyes. “I realize what I’m saying is unfair and I’m sorry but I want you to understand. Let me start over. Please.” He took her hand and she let him lead her back to the couch while he returned to the desk chair. “Since we got back together you’ve been here and, like I said, I got used to that. Maybe I took that for granted, that I could always come home to my girls. I love performing but I don’t love touring so much. I’m over the different hotels and the travel and I don’t like having to Facetime to see you. I always thought I’d only want to perform but I love producing too. Sadie won that Grammy and your album is doing great, Kenny’s leaving; this is my opportunity to really dig into this thing.” He’d held onto her hand, tracing her palm with the pad of his thumb. “You’re transitioning back into Juliette Barnes the country music star and even though I know that’s who you’ve always been it scares me. I’m going through my own thing, trying to figure out my path and I’m worried about losing us in all of this. That’s the truth, Juliette. I’m scared of losing what we have.”

“Avery, you’ve got to trust us more than that. We’re not gonna fall apart over a tour. You could have told me this two weeks ago. Come with me or don’t come with me, I don’t care as long as we’re honest with each other. I’m coming home to you and our babies no matter what.” She touched his chin with two fingers, making him look up at her. “You can’t get rid of me, baby. Not now or ever.”

* * *

Avery went with her for the first show, not as her opener or her band leader, but as her husband. He wanted to be the first one to congratulate her when she stepped off the stage. He wanted their children to see their mom doing her thing, though the babies stayed in her dressing room and watched with Emily. Cadence got to see her mama’s first tour performance in years and she stayed awake way past her bedtime so she could hand her the bouquet of flowers Avery’d gotten.

They worked it out so he’d have Cadence and she’d have the younger two girls and then they’d switch it up. It wasn’t ideal and she flew home every chance she had but Avery kept reminding himself it was only for a few months. The tour wouldn’t last forever and they took advantage of her days off in between legs. It was almost over when she told him Glenn had just let her know she could extend it for a few more weeks if she wanted. That’s what they’d argued over - or at least that’s how it started. His no was immediate and immovable and she’d wanted to consider it. The gloves came off almost immediately and the argument delved into territory they’d never explored. She said he was controlling, he called her an inconsiderate brat for even thinking of missing Cadence’s first day of school. And then she was crying and he was shouting and suddenly they were on opposite sides of the door.

Avery knew he couldn’t leave it like that. She was flying out in the morning for Houston and he wouldn’t see her for at least a week and after her plane crash there was no way he’d let her leave their house without making it right between them and telling her he loved her. But right at that moment, with his fists clenched in anger, he needed time.

* * *

It took a while for Juliette to calm down. She stayed in their bedroom, deciding to take a long shower, wrap herself up in a fluffy robe and just relax on the bed. No interviews, no Glenn, no kids, no husband. Avery was right about the tour. It’d been hard. Her schedule was grueling and after three or four days of performing she barely had anything left for herself, much less her children. It was different than when she was younger and able to give interviews, rehearse, perform and then party all night and do it all again the next day. These days she needed her sleep and plenty of patience to deal with her daughters. She’d missed her husband and had quickly grown tired of seeing him for a few hours at a week, just enough time for a quickie in a hotel bathroom while their daughters slept off their traveling. Even when she was home between legs she slept in late and went to bed early, her body demanding the rest it couldn’t get when she was on the road.

He’d been right about how hard it was going to be. Fine. But what had upset her was that he hadn’t even wanted to talk about extending the tour. He’d just made the decision about her career as if his word was final and her thoughts didn’t matter. That’d pissed her off and scared her a little. Avery had never spoken to her like that before and what would happen later when she had another album out?

The clock caught her eye and she knew Scarlett would be bringing the girls back home soon but she had time to make a phone call.

* * *

“Juliette Barnes.” Luke’s timbre flowed from the phone into her ear. “Long time no talk to.”

“I know. How’s it been?” They caught up for a minute, talking the irony of remarriage, Luke’s tour and the kids.

“You with three rugrats. I’d have never seen that coming.” He paused for just a second and she could hear a horse naying in the background.“You doing all right?”

She knew why he might be asking; he’d been there when she was at her worst. “I’m good, Luke. Really good.” She saw an opening into the topic she’d called to discuss. “I actually called to ask you about something.”

She hadn’t meant to keep him long but Luke wanted to hear her out so she told him everything, that she only would have agreed to do a couple more shows and she’d have never missed Cadence’s first day of school.

“If I had it to do all over again, Juliette, I’d have stayed home more. I worked hard, made a lot of money, made a lot of music that I’m proud of but I lost my family in the process. Had to find out the hard way you can’t hug a bottle of barbecue sauce at night.” He chuckled. “Take some advice from an old man who’s been there, done that and got the _Wheels Up_ T-shirt as a souvenir, kids grow up fast and a relationship can die without enough attention. Fans are fickle, you know that. You extending your tour a couple weeks will make some of them happy and that’s great but what’ll it do to your family?”

* * *

She found her husband on the other side of the door when she opened it, like he’d been working up the courage to knock. They spoke at the same time, apologies closing up the small space between them.

“I shouldn’t have said no like that,” he said. “It’s your career and I can’t make these decisions for you. I just thought, it’s July already. Song’s birthday is coming up and we only have a few weeks before Cadence starts first grade. I want us to have some time together before school starts.”

“I get that, Avery. And I wouldn’t miss her first day of school for anything. But what’s gonna happen for the next tour or the one after that? Because one day all three of them will be in school.”

“One tour at a time?” He leaned against the door frame. “I feel like I’ve apologized to you thirty times over the past few months but I am sorry for making this hard on you. I miss you like crazy when you’re gone, Juliette.”  
“I’ve missed you too and you know I hate arguing with you.” She tugged on his shirt, playing with the silver line of buttons.

“Can we end this then?” He tried to enter the room but she blocked him with her body.

“That depends.” Her fingers fell from his shirt and she ran her hand over the belt of her robe, slowly teasing the knot apart. “Am I still a brat?”

He smirked as his eyes dropped to her waist. “Oh, most definitely.”


	5. Trout

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's all fluff

Juliette adjusted the throw over her legs and wiggled her toes into the couch cushion. She was ready to enjoy the quiet for as long as it lasted with a steaming cup of chai tea, an unopened bag of salted caramels, a bestseller that Emily let her borrow and the remote just in case she got bored with the book. It was one of those rare occasions when she had the house nearly to herself (her 2-year-old had finally succumbed to a nap) and nothing on her plate. She couldn’t remember the last time her phone hadn’t chimed with a reminder about a playdate or a Mommy & Me class or Emily hadn’t texted about some HW65 business she had to attend to. Her latest album was still mostly in her notebook, a very slow work in progress and she’d just finished filming her part in a dream movie project. She hadn’t been looking to act again but when Glenn forwarded her the script she fell in love right away. It wasn’t a lead role but filming had taken almost two months. Afterwards, she’d promised Avery she’d take some time off and now that her schedule was empty it felt so good - for the moment. She’d never been one to idle for too long but today, while that baby was napping, she intended to enjoy every second. No makeup, very messy ponytail, and an oversized sweatshirt that may have at one time belonged to her husband.

Avery had their older daughters with him. Deacon and Daphne had invited them to go trout fishing and even though he hadn’t been since he was a kid he’d wanted to take the girls.  They had smaller fish in their pond and he figured one day they’d want to try to catch something. Before they left she’d jokingly asked him what he would do with the fish if they actually caught any.

“Make you get in that kitchen and cook it.” He even managed to say it with a straight expression but they both laughed when she told him to pick up some chicken on the way home.

She doubted there would be any fish but Cadence was excited about hanging out with Uncle Deacon and Daphne. Melody had recently turned 3 but hadn’t yet grown out of the terrible twos so Juliette wasn’t sure how well she’d do with an afternoon of standing around in the sun, dangling rods over water.

She cracked the book open and dove into the story, a thriller she’d have never read if Emily hadn’t stopped gushing about it. She was only two chapters in when her phone rang and she jumped so hard the book fell from her lap with a slam as it hit the floor. “Seriously?” She reached for her phone and turned it over so she could see who’d dare call during her few precious hours of solitude. Unknown number. Great. She silenced the phone, tossed it to the side and got back to her book. It was just getting good and she popped a salted carmel in her mouth as she found her place.

“Baby?”

Her eyes shot from the page in the direction of the hallway. She muttered to herself, glancing at the clock on the wall. Avery’d told her not to expect them for hours yet.

“Juliette?”

She got up to meet him in the hallway, curious about the excitement in his voice. “Avery, what --” She got the barest glimpse of him holding Melody on his hip and Cadence’s wide smile before the dog jumped up on her with such force he almost knocked her into the wall. She screamed, scrambling backwards as she freed herself. “What is _that_ doing here?”

Her husband set their child down so he could grip the dog by the collar, holding him still even as he tried to jump on Juliette again.

“He likes you, Mama.” Cadence threw her arms around the beast’s neck. “I named him Trout ‘cause we were supposed to be fishing but we caught him instead.”

Avery at least had the decency to look apologetic.  “We’d just got there and Cadence heard him in the brush. He was all tangled up in wire. Deacon had to cut it off of him and we took him to the vet to get him checked out and cleaned up.”

“Avery.” She could see where this was headed and she had to stop it if it wasn’t already too late. “We can’t.”

“Juliette, just look at him.”

She had looked. He was the ugliest dog she’d ever seen. A dull brown with a white belly, a mask of black fur over his eyes and a lopsided grin. His two front paws were bandaged, though that hadn’t stopped him from almost mowing her down. He was bald in patches as if he’d been shaved by a deranged barber, his tail was nothing more than a wiggling stub, one ear was cropped and judging by the marbled cloudiness of his right eye he was half blind.  “Avery, we _cannot_ do this.”

Cadence still had her arms around the animal’s neck as if they’d been best buddies forever. Melody hung back behind her daddy, watching her sister fawn and pet the intruder.

Juliette and Avery stood in the hallway in the midst of all that, arguing with nothing more than their eyes until the baby monitor ended the stare-down.

“ _No_.” She mouthed at him before she left to get Song.

* * *

“I couldn’t just leave him there.” Avery peeled the covers back and sat on his side of the bed. “The vet said he’s probably not even two yet, still basically a puppy.”

Juliette closed her eyes, willing her headache to go away. Any peace she’d enjoyed that afternoon had been thoroughly destroyed by that evening. She felt the mattress shift as he lifted his legs onto the mattress. “You could have left him with the vet.”

“If it had just been me maybe I would have but you saw Cadence with him.”

“Yeah, I did. You let her name that animal and now she thinks we’re keeping him.” She faced him, narrowing her eyes into slits. “And I saw you. Don’t blame it all on Cadence when you want to keep him too, Avery. Admit it.”

“Juliette.” He shrugged, looking a little sheepish. “Okay, I do. Why can’t we have a dog? The girls love him.”

“Because your wife hates animals?”

“You don’t know him.” Avery moved, closing the distance between them. “Let’s do this, we’ll keep him in the garage until you get to know him. If you still don’t want him by the time his wounds heal I’ll take him to a shelter.”

Juliette snorted. “And tell Cadence what, her mama’s a cold-hearted witch who won’t let her keep her puppy?”

“I would never call you a witch.”

She was strongly tempted to knock him in the head with her pillow.

“Seriously, I’ll fix it somehow. Just give him a chance.”

She exhaled loudly and lay down on her side, jerking the comforter up to her chest. Her husband scooted again, pressing his chest to her back and sliding an arm around her waist. She swatted his hand away. “Huh-uh. Go cuddle with your dog.”

He ignored her, pulling her even more into the curve of his body. “But you smell so much better.” He dragged the word into a growl and buried his face in her neck before peppering kisses along the line of her shoulder. “And you taste good too.”

She tried not to laugh but he knew she was ticklish. “Sometimes I really can’t stand you.”

* * *

 Juliette startled awake, opening her eyes to a dark room. Her husband’s arm was still around her and she lifted her head slightly to check the time. Very late night - or early morning. Something had woken her up and she lay back on her pillow, listening to the sleeping house as her eyes adjusted. She was about to let herself drift back off when she heard it, faint but persistent. It sounded like...dammit, it was that stupid dog. She whipped her head around to look at Avery but he was dead to the world, his hair tousled so it covered his face like a dark curtain, all except for his mouth. Juliette would have elbowed him awake but he’d been very good to her with that mouth just hours before, good enough to earn himself a peaceful night’s sleep while she checked on the dog herself.

The garage was clear on the other side of the house and the barking grew louder as she navigated through the rooms. When she opened the garage door the dog started whining before she could even turn the light on. Deacon had come over with a cage large enough for him to be comfortable and Cadence insisted on giving him one of her old blankets.

“What is it?” She approached the cage cautiously, keeping her voice low. “You should be sleeping.” The puppy stood up and barked, wagging his stubby tail in excitement. “Don’t go getting any ideas, pup. I’m not letting you out.” He barked again and she took a step back. “It’s the middle of the night. Time for sleep. So stop all this noise and just lay down.” She turned around to leave but hadn’t even reached the door yet when the dog started whining again. “Come on,” she muttered, going back to the cage. “Look, pooch. It’s 3:00 in the morning and we all need our beauty sleep around these parts.” He cocked his head as she spoke then whined, sticking one bandaged paw out of the cage as if he were reaching for her foot. Juliette sighed heavily, mentally cursing her husband’s talented tongue. He was in the bed sleeping like a well-fed baby and she was in the garage with a dog she didn’t even want. She crouched so she could be on the dog’s level. “Okay, Trout? That’s what they’re calling you, right? I can’t stay in here with you all night. Mama’s got pancake duty tomorrow and trust me when I tell you I need all my rest for that. I’ll stay for a little while ‘cause I know being in an unfamiliar place sucks and you look like you’ve had a rough life so far. I know a little something about that too.” She found a folding chair in the corner of the garage and went to get her book, which had been abandoned in the living room. The dog whined the entire time, but settled again when she came back. “One chapter, Rover. And then we’re both going to sleep. Hope you like thrillers.” She cracked the book open and read out loud. Trout eventually lay down in the cage, keeping his one good eye trained on her.

* * *

 Juliette woke up to the soft brush of Avery’s kiss on her forehead and she groaned and stretched, wrapping her arms around his neck as he lifted her from the chair.

“You’re amazing.” He turned to the side so he could fit them through the doorway to the house. “Have I ever told you that?”

“Not nearly enough.” She closed her eyes and snuggled into his chest as he carried her, not opening them again until he lay her in their bed. By the light filtering through the blinds she could tell it was morning but not too late.

“I need to make it up to you.” He leaned down for a kiss but she pushed him away.

“No more of that.” She rolled away from him and closed her eyes again. “That mouth of yours gets me in trouble.”

* * *

By the time Avery’s parents came to visit a few months later, Trout had graduated from the garage. He had a dog bed on Cadence’s floor but Avery suspected she let him jump in hers as soon as the lights were off. His wife had slowly and very reluctantly warmed up him, though she’d had some rules. Trout wasn’t allowed in their bedroom, she didn’t want dog poop all over the yard and any accidents he had in the house were Avery’s to clean up. They also kept him out of the little girls’ room even though their adventurous 3-year-old adored him as much as Cadence. Melody called him Twouts, giggling as she chased him through the house. But poor Song had been terrified at first, screaming and scrambling to be picked up the first couple times he came to sniff at her. It took a few weeks of her watching her sisters play and he had to train the dog not to run up on her. She didn’t cry at his approach anymore but her favorite place to interact with him was still safe in someone’s arms.

Trout had really taken to Juliette and Avery would find him resting at her feet if she was working or sitting near the couch while she read. The night before his parents arrived they were in the studio and the dog had scratched at the door until Avery let him in and then he stared at her the entire time she was running through lyrics.

“Make him stop looking at me like that,” Juliette said. “He’s distracting me.”

“Hey, I get it, Trout.” Avery plucked at his guitar as he spoke to the dog. “I fell in love with this woman and haven’t been able to keep my eyes off her either.”

* * *

The first thing his father did that grated on Avery’s nerves was question whether it was safe for the dog to be around the girls which had made him defensive even though he knew it was a logical concern. They had in fact hired a professional trainer to come out and work with him and for the most part Trout had done very well.

The second thing his father did was ask him about work, specifically if he’d be working while they were visiting or if he’d be on vacation. “I can never tell if you’re working or not,” he’d said. Their relationship had grown over the years but Avery knew his choice of career would always be a bone of contention between them, even though he was now an award-winning producer and songwriter. But his father didn’t care about any of the shiny awards lining the shelves of their studio.

Juliette had to calm him down after his parents went to the guest room to unpack and settle in. “I can’t tell if he’s trying to be a jerk or if you’re just hypersensitive to anything he says.” She rummaged in a takeout bag, unpacking the lunch they’d ordered in.

He leaned against the kitchen sink. “You don’t think that was intentional?”

“I don’t think him asking about Trout was meant to be an insult. Glenn asked me the same thing when we first got him.” She opened the cabinets and took out a stack of plates. “In his mind normal people work 9 to 5 and we don’t. We work odd hours and--”

“We work hard as hell.” Avery interrupted, finishing the sentence for her. “And we juggle three kids while doing it. The first album I produced won a Grammy, Juliette.”

“I know, babe. I was there.” She popped the lid off a container and licked the pad of her thumb. “You’re an excellent producer.”

“He doesn’t even realize how significant that was for me.”

Juliette abandoned the food to give him a hug. “Sweetheart, I am sorry he’s this way but it’s two weeks. Two weeks and then you don’t have to see them again until Thanksgiving. And since you _are_ working, it’ll mostly be me and the girls spending time with them.”

“I wish but I actually planned it so I could be here with you guys. I’m gonna regret it, I can tell.” He rested his chin on her hair and breathed her in. “I do have to leave though. I’m meeting the guys for the podcast.”

It’d turned out Gunnar’s goofy idea for a music podcast that had started out as a hobby had gained a loyal following in the year he, Avery, Will and JT had been doing it. The official name was Former Bandmates, but Juliette had teasingly dubbed it Storytime for Music Nerds.

She pulled back out of his embrace. “You’re not staying for lunch? I got that tandoori chicken you like.”

“Save me some.” He touched his lips to hers, intending for it to be a quick goodbye, but she pressed against him, teasing his tongue with hers. He broke it off, brushing his thumb over her bottom lip. “Save me some of this too.”

* * *

Avery loved coming home to his family. Trout was the first to greet him when he got home and then Melody, running through the grass to hug him around his knees.

“Daddy!”

He scooped her up in his arms, whirling her around in the air until she screamed and giggled. “Hi, Peanut.” He tickled her stomach before setting her down so she could run back to the porch where Juliette and his parents were sitting. Song stood at the top of the porch stairs, all wiggly fingers and outstretched arms as she waited for him to get to her. “There’s my Song. Hi, baby.” He lifted her in the air, kissing her wispy blonde hair as he brought her down.

“Hi, Daddy.”

Her gravelly little voice always made him chuckle. It was Cadence who dropped the bomb after he’d ruffled her hair.

“Papa’s gonna build us a house, Daddy.” She leaned on the arm of his chair, rambling on excitedly. “And you can help.”

“Cadence, what are you talking about?”

“She means a playhouse,” Juliette said and something in the tone of her voice was a warning.

His mother finally chimed in with an explanation. “Your father thought it’d be nice for the girls to have a playhouse somewhere here close to the house.”

“We don’t even need to order a kit,” his father said. “I can build it myself. Of course it’d be easier if you’d help. Shouldn’t take us more than a week. That is, if you’ve got the time.”

Speechless, Avery looked at his wife but she’d suddenly become very interested in the fit of Trout’s collar.

* * *

“How did this happen, Juliette?” Avery shook his head as he paced their bedroom. “I don’t get it. I leave for three hours and when I come back, I’ve somehow been hired as the foreman on a job I don’t want for a project nobody even talked to me about.”

“Baby, you’re being a little dramatic right now.” Juliette sat cross-legged in the middle of their bed, watching him walk from one end of the room to the other. She was glad their in-laws were staying in a guest bedroom on the other side of the house because her husband was not using his inside voice.

“Is this a prank? Are you getting me back for the dog?”

“What? No. This wasn’t my idea. We were just walking outside, the girls were running around and we were talking and next thing I know…” She shrugged. “But you don’t have to do this, Avery. They don’t know that you’re not working. You can just say you’re too busy to help out.”

“And what about Cadence? She’s got the idea all up in her head now.”

“She’ll live if she hears a no every now and then, Avery.”

He snorted. “Yeah, she’ll live but my father won’t ever let it go. For the rest of his life he’ll bring up the fact that I was too busy ‘playing around’ with music to help him do something nice for his granddaughters.”

Juliette scratched her elbow, nodding as she came to understand. “So you’re gonna help build this playhouse even though you really don’t want to just so that your father can’t potentially use the fact that you didn’t help against you later?”

“Yep.” He stopped pacing, chewing his lip as he looked at her. “That’s exactly what I’m going to do.”

* * *

The first two days were hell and after spending so many hours in the sun under his father’s tutelage Avery was in such a foul mood Juliette threatened to make him sleep in another room.

“Right now I’d actually trade you for the dog. He only smells like an ass.”

She closed the bathroom door behind her, leaving Avery alone in their bedroom. He chided himself for the way he’d been acting. It wasn’t her fault he was miserable helping his dad. She’d warned him not to get involved, suggesting they hire someone to help with the labor if necessary but he’d been too stubborn to agree. He waited until she came out of the bathroom and then apologized, profusely. “I have been an ass.” He admitted, putting a finger through her belt loop to pull her closer. “I probably smell like one too.”

“You do,” she confirmed, crossing her arms over her chest.

She looked up at him, her green eyes flashing with irritation and he could tell he wasn’t totally forgiven.

“I’m used to you, Avery. But don’t take this out on me.”

“I won’t again. I promise.” He put his forehead on hers, pushing her back into the bathroom. “Shower with me.”

Juliette slid her fingers over his shirt until her hands rested on his chest.  She kissed him twice and then stepped away. “No.” She walked around him and went back into their room. “You haven’t groveled enough.”

* * *

Carl Barkley had decades of experience working with wood. It was his after work hobby and side-business. It was the thing he did that made him most happy. Avery had basically been forced to take woodshop in high school and he hadn’t touched so much as a saw in the years since. His father was completely in his element; Avery felt he was all thumbs. That was most of his frustration. It wasn’t that his father had made him feel like a novice - in fact, he’d actually shown a fair amount of patience, but Avery felt inept every time he had to measure something three times before cutting it. He was learning things, although he didn’t think he’d ever need to know how to level concrete again. He had to admit, it felt good to actually see the project coming together.

It was almost like writing a song. Starting off with pieces and parts, a few words or a bit of a melody, and working it until it grew into a fully fleshed out entity. He realized he and his father had this in common, the desire to build, to create something tangible out of nothing.

They saved the roof for the next day and when he went inside he found his wife in the studio. Juliette relaxed on the couch, glasses perched on her nose and one leg folded under her as she scribbled in her notebook. Avery tucked his hands in his pockets and leaned against the doorjamb, watching her work.

“You gonna stand there all night?” She tilted her head but didn’t look up at him. “I swear if it’s not you it’s that dog.”

“I didn’t want to interrupt. Just wanted to see you.”

She glanced at him, wrote a few more words then set her notebook aside and patted the seat next to her.  “Then come see me.” He hesitated but she waved him over. “Come here, babe. I was just stealing a few minutes to jot something down. And besides that, Cadence is coming in about five minutes to tell me when dinner’s ready.”

“You love it when Mom’s here.” He plopped on the couch next to her, stretching out his legs in front of him.

“‘Course I do. She spoils me. Nobody makes salisbury steak like her.” She reached for his hand, warming his wedding band with her fingers. “How’d it go today? You look tired.”

“I am,” he said. “I almost feel like he’s moving slow because of me, like this is something he really could have done by himself in half the time but he’s trying to show me something. All these years I never had any interest - I still don’t really, but it feels good to spend a little time in his world, you know? Makes me feel like maybe we aren’t so different. I’m glad we can work together on something even if it’s just a playhouse.”

“It’s more than that, Avery.” She shifted so she was fully facing him, pulling her other leg from the floor to tuck beneath her. “Even beyond it being a project that you two can bond over, it’s something special for the girls that they’ll never forget. They don’t know the history between you and your dad. They don’t know that this is all new to you. All they see is Daddy and Papa working together to build something fun for them. Every time they play in that house they’ll see the love y’all put into it.”

He nodded, thinking over what she said and seeing the playhouse as more than four walls and a roof for his daughters to play in. It was a legacy. “You _are_ amazing.” He tucked a curl of hair behind her ear.

She smirked, biting her lip as she reached over to cup his cheek. “You know, it’s been almost ten years since we met but I think you’re finally getting it.”

* * *

Cadence’s first choice of paint color was a bright, almost blinding purple and Avery had to talk her into something that couldn’t be seen from outer space. Her mother firmly guided her to the pastels and Cadence’s second choice was a more acceptable pale pink.

It only took a couple hours to get the playhouse painted inside and out including the white door and shutters they’d found second-hand but after that they were done. The last nail was driven and Avery and his father stepped back so his mother and his wife could take over. Her mother had sewn curtains for the two little windows and Juliette spread a rug on the floor and set some kid-sized chairs outside. The girls couldn’t wait to get inside with their dolls and toys and Trout squeezed himself inside and plopped down on the floor.

Avery put an arm around Juliette’s shoulders and the adults watched the girls play.

“Worth it?” Juliette snuck her arm around him and tilted her head back so she could see his face.

Avery could already hear Cadence bossing her younger sisters and Melody’s protests. The dog barked and Song started crying. Within seconds they were all back outside, each one louder than the next. It was chaos. Their chaos.

“Worth it,” he said, glancing at his father. “Absolutely.”


	6. What We Had, What We Can't Get Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had more planned for this story but I'm going to end it here for now. Thanks for reading.

Juliette set her phone on the table and tapped the screen with her fingertips. Tears had already flooded her eyes, but she blinked them away when she noticed Cadence peering at her over the top of the book she was reading.

“Mama?”

“It’s okay, baby. Can you keep an eye on your sisters for me?” She glanced at her younger daughters, both of them sprawled on the floor, tuned into a silly cartoon. Satisfied that they were all occupied she left the room, allowing the tears to return to her eyes when she was safely in the hallway. Every step took her closer to Avery, closer to devastating him with what she had to tell him. She paused outside the office doors, watching him through the glass.

He’d slipped out of bed early, long before the sun came up. Juliette barely remembered him kissing her behind the ear, whispering something about writing. She knew he was working on something, had lately been in his head so much that the day before she’d twice had to snap her fingers in front of his face to get his attention. She’d nodded sleepily and may have even shooed him away before rolling to his side of the bed, snuggling into the warmth where his body had been.

Juliette understood her husband and so she kept the kids out of his hair, brought him breakfast and coffee and a kiss but didn’t linger. Avery needed the quiet and the time so she cleared the space for him; it was what they did for each other, part of the burden of being married to another artist. She didn’t even know what he was working on but it had been dogging him for days.

The plan had been to take the kids and Trout down to the pond, get them out of the house so they could run and laugh and be as loud as they wanted and also give Avery the silence he needed. She’d been packing snacks, just about to round them up when her phone rang.

She watched him as he hunched over his desk, his pencil moving steadily across a lined page. Juliette’s lips lifted in a slight smile; he always did that, pencil for the first draft, blue ink for the ones beyond that. Her smile faded as she quickly wiped her face and raised her hand to knock on the door. For a second she thought about giving him more time, knowing that what she had to tell him would change everything and he likely wouldn’t get any work done for a while. She couldn’t though. He had to know.

Avery didn’t even raise his head, just waved his hand, motioning for her to leave. _I’m sorry, babe. It’s gotta be now._ She knocked again, letting her knuckles hit the glass with a little more urgency.

* * *

Avery could see Juliette peripherally, pausing with her hand on the doorknob. It wasn’t locked, but he knew she was silently asking for permission to interrupt. He sighed and lifted his head, not even bothering to hide the annoyance in his voice as he spoke loud enough for her to hear through the door. “What, babe?”

She came inside, apologizing as she closed the door behind her. “We need to talk.”

“Now?” He spun his chair around to face her, gesturing towards his notebook. “It can’t wait?”

Juliette stepped closer and knelt, resting both her hands on his knees. “No, it can’t, baby. I’m sorry.”

She was close enough that Avery could see that her eyelashes were wet as if she’d been crying. “Juliette, what’s wrong?” His irritation disappeared and he cupped her face, thumbing her cheek. “The girls okay?”

She nodded, turning her head to kiss the palm of his hand. “Your mom called, Avery. It’s your dad.”

His wife kept talking but he could only process bits of what she was saying. His brain could only latch onto a few words - hospital, heart, gone. Avery pushed his chair away, rolling across the wooden floor so fast Juliette stumbled and had to catch herself before she fell. He stared at her for almost a full minute, desperately trying to make sense of what she’d said. Hospital. Heart.

Juliette slowly got to her feet and took a cautious step closer.

 _Gone_. Avery blinked and shot to his feet, grabbing the notes and papers scattered on  his desk and stacked them into a pile. “I’ve gotta finish this.” He checked under the floor, blindly reaching for his messenger bag and then shoving everything inside. “I need to get those tracks back to Gunnar. I was supposed to meet Deacon tomorrow. Have to pack.” The words weren’t for Juliette or for himself. Just sounds in a stunned room. He moved things from one side of his desk to the other, knocked a stapler on its side, jammed a handful of stray pens and pencils into the holder. He felt her hand on his bicep and finally stopped his frantic movements and planted his palms on the desk. “Trout.” He turned to her, barely comprehending the confusion and concern in the furrow of her eyebrows. “What should we do about the dog?” His lips were quivering as he asked the question and he looked away, over to the large window facing the backyard. It was a sunny day, cloudless and warm. He had a view of the pond, the sloping land in between and nearer to the house, the gabled roof of the playhouse. The playhouse he and his father had built not too long ago. Avery put weight on his wrists, sucking in deep lungfuls of air as those memories rushed at him. How much he hadn’t wanted to work with his father, how uncomfortable he’d felt fiddling with measurements, blueprints and planks of wood. The sense of accomplishment and pride he felt when the damn thing was finally done and his father clapped him on the shoulder.

“Good job, Son,” he’d said. Avery had _never_ heard that from his father. Not in all the years he could remember. And now he never would again.

* * *

Juliette gently maneuvered Avery back to his chair and pushed him down to sit. His shoulders shook as he cried and his fingers moved restlessly, grasping at the air until he put his hands on her waist and pulled her in close, burying his face in her stomach.  

“Avery, I’m so sorry.” She ran fingers through his dark hair, murmuring her love to him as he sobbed against her. His reaction had scared her at first. She’d thought he was going to have a panic attack and she was almost positive he hadn’t heard her saying his name. She knew well the pain he was in and she’d have taken it all to spare him. But she couldn’t and so she stood, holding him and allowing his heart and mind time to accept the news. When he finally sat back in the chair he kept his hands on her as if he needed something to hold on to.

“I need to call Mom.” He choked the words out, looking up at her with tears running down his cheeks.

Juliette nodded but didn’t step away. She wouldn’t until he was ready to let her go. “I’ll get the girls and start getting some things packed.” Her mind was already on the next steps - funeral clothes, letting Glenn and Rayna know. Somebody’d have to take the dog. She needed to ask Emily to book them a flight.  The sooner they got to his mother the better.

Avery shifted, letting his hands fall to his lap. “Did you tell the girls?”

“No, of course not. Not without you.”

He all but crumbled in the chair, covering his face with a hand. “God, how do we tell them he’s...”

The words were muffled but she understood and she knelt again, taking both his hands in hers. “Together. We tell them together, baby.”

* * *

His sister showed up the night before the service, but only after Avery had begged, for their mother if nothing else. Juliette understood what it was like to have a difficult relationship with a parent but she couldn’t imagine not wanting to say a final goodbye.

Bren lived in Canada and had only visited Nashville a few times over the years. She shared Avery’s dark hair and blue eyes and Juliette thought Melody would look just like her aunt when she grew up. When she was with them Bren was warm and bubbly, doting on her nieces and spoiling them with gifts but she seemed resigned to her estrangement from their parents and had steadfastly refused Avery’s many attempts to get her to contact them. His sister and father had never reconciled, never gotten over past hurts and now it was too late.  

Avery’s mother had been so happy to see her daughter she couldn’t stop crying. The girls spent a little time with their aunt before Juliette took them off to bed and the three Barkleys stayed up late that night, talking and mending fences.

Juliette read as she waited for Avery to come to bed but Cadence was the one who pushed open his old bedroom door and snuck in the small bed with her. She put her arms around her mother’s waist and confessed that she was scared to go to the funeral. Their 10 year old had  insisted on going and Avery was for it even though Juliette had her doubts.

“I want to say goodbye but I’m scared of what he’ll look like.” Cadence sniffed and tightened her arm around her mother.

Juliette brushed her daughter’s hair away from her face and kissed her forehead. “Baby girl, you don’t have to go if you don’t want to. You can stay here with Melody and Song. If you say goodbye at the gravesite the casket will already be closed.”

“But will he know?” Cadence whispered. “Will he be sad if I don’t go?”

“He won’t be sad, honey. Papa loved you. He’ll understand.”

"I wanted to give him this." Cadence opened her palm, revealing a wallet-sized picture. She'd been a toddler, running and giggling through her grandparent's living room like a little wild thing. Avery's father had been chasing her, had caught her around the waist and lifted her up in the air. Avery'd taken the picture right at that moment, catching both of them in the middle of their laughter.

Juliette kissed her daughter again, squeezing her eyes shut against the burn of tears. "I can take it," she promised, taking the photo. It was curled on the ends, still warm from where Cadence had been clutching it. "I'll make sure he gets it."

* * *

In all honesty, Juliette was relieved that Cadence had decided to stay at her grandparents’ house with one of Avery’s cousins. She would have supported her daughter’s decision to attend the funeral but since she  had changed her mind, Juliette could focus all her attention on her husband. Her mother-in-law was holding up well, better than she would have been if Avery had dropped dead of a heart attack in their living room after Sunday breakfast.

Avery though...she hadn’t seen him cry since the morning she’d had to break the news to him and since they’d arrived at his parents’ he’d been busy with the arrangements and looking after his mother. He wasn’t interested in talking about his father’s death beyond the practical but he’d made love to her every night. It was a toss up as to whether he’d come to her full of tenderness or if he’d be desperate, fucking her as if he wanted to crawl inside of her and take shelter from the world. She didn’t push for conversation, figuring he was using his body to express the grief he couldn’t yet speak and so she gave what she got, matching his mood and holding him afterwards.

The morning of the funeral he wanted her again, despite having come to bed late and despite the fact that they hadn’t gone to sleep until several hours after that. There was little time to cuddle afterwards, the house was already awake and they both knew it’d be a long day. She sat up, searching the blankets for the T-shirt that had gotten tossed to the side during the night.

Avery traced the length of her spine with a finger. “I haven’t even asked you how you’re doing.”

There was a note of guilt in his tone that made her turn around to face him. “I’m all right, Avery. Hurting for you and the girls. They adored your dad and he loved them so much.”

“He loved you too,” Avery said, his fingers still on her hip.

“I think we grew on each other eventually. I’m glad we made amends.”

His eyes flicked to hers then, holding her in his gaze. “I need you, baby.”

“I know.” She moved so she could kiss his forehead, his blue eyes wet with grief, his mouth. “I’m here. I’ll always be here.”

 


End file.
